You Found Me
by DishonoredInk
Summary: Amanda Rollins had been moved from her home in Georgia, relocating to New York with her mother and Kim. Amanda's the new kid starting at Dalton High, where she meets Olivia Benson her teacher. On the way Amanda struggles with family, depression, and most of all falling in love.
1. Empire State Of Mind

**Authors Note: Okay, so let me just go ahead and say that nothing illegal will be occurring in this story, and that Amanda will be legal before anything really happens. Also, this story will progress slowly, don't expect them to just jump into all the love and lust thing, they gotta go through all these stages before we can get to that and I plan to have sooo much fun writing this. ****  
**

**Also, let me just kinda explain this first chapter, I kinda wanted to explain how Amanda came to New York and show how un-reliable and unstable her life was at the same time, so BAM. There is no Olivia in this chapter sadly, but we'll get there, Trust me!**

**Also, I've never been to New York, I've never lived in New York, so I'm trying! I'm also doing tons of research so just bare with me while I try to get at least some of the details as close as I can. Obviously I don't really know how much a taxi fare is on the dot, and I don't wanna use any real apartment names or anything, but I'm gonna try my hardest. **

**Also every chapter will be named after a song or quote, and each chapter will feature the quote or song lyrics, but this is not a songfic.**

_**Summary: Amanda Rollins had been moved from her home in Georgia, relocating to New York with her mother and Kim. Amanda's the new kid starting at Dalton High, where she meets Olivia Benson her teacher.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except my original characters. All Law & order characters belong to dick wolf, etc. Empire State Of Mind goes to Jay-Z & Alicia Keys. **_

Chapter 1: Empire State Of Mind.

* * *

_New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of_  
_ There's nothin' you can't do_  
_ Now you're in New York_  
_ These streets will make you feel brand new_  
_ Big lights will inspire you_  
_ Let's hear it for New York, New York_

* * *

**Amanda POV: **

A deep frown graced Amanda Rollin's features as she strolled through the crowded airport, this place was huge and she'd never seen anything like it. She was being bumped into and shoved far more frequently than she was used to, JFK was packed and these New Yorkers sure were in a rush. Sighing she hoisted her duffel bag higher up her back and made her way towards the exit.

Walking out the doors of JFK, she took in the scene that greeted her, Taxi's were bumper to bumper outside and she could hear horns blaring in the distance. This was gonna be a long day, and from the looks of it, it was just getting started. Amanda tried her best to move out of the way as she scanned the crowd for her mother. Momma was supposed to pick her up from the airport but so far she couldn't see anybody who even resembled the woman.

Pulling her phone from her pocket she sent a text to her mother, letting her know that she'd arrived in the big apple and that she was out front. It was hot day and Amanda was already starting to sweat a bit, pulling at the collar of her shirt, she shifted uncomfortably. She was feeling awkward just standing here, everybody was passing her and shooting her strange looks as they went. When she'd gotten no reply after 10 minutes of waiting, she sighed, pulled her Braves cap to the middle of her brow, hoisted her bag farther up her back, and prepared to cross the street. She couldn't just stand out there and wait for momma, she'd have a heat stroke. She needed to find an air conditioned place to take a break. Lucky for Amanda people crossed the street together in big clumps, so she just went with the flow of people, and thankfully managed to make it to the other side without any trouble. When she stepped onto the sidewalk once more, she spotted a sign for a small cafe a little further down the street, she figured they had to have air conditioning and she could sit down, order a cup of coffee, and figure out what to do.

Everything seemed to be different in New york, people moved so fast here, and Amanda knew she didn't fit in one bit, but luckily it seemed like nobody had any time to notice her. She allowed herself to be carried with the flow of human traffic down the street, and then practically dived into the open doors of the cafe, quickly removing her cap and smoothing her hair down.

The woman behind the counter had dyed bright red hair, was wearing a shade of red lipstick that wouldn't flatter anybody, and rocked a horrible cat shirt. The lady shot a not entirely unpleasant smile at her and waved her in, _"Hey, welcome, what can I get for ya?"_

Stepping up closer to the counter, Amanda took a closer look at the menu- her eyes nearly popping out of her head as she took in the prices. "Jesus" she murmured.

_"Huh? Kid are you gonna order or not?"_ the woman drummed her nails (which were just as bad as her hair) against the register and gave her a forced smile.

Amanda decided to pick what looked to be the least expensive thing on the board. "Oh yeah, can I just have a iced coffee, please?"

_ "7 bucks even."_ Amanda winced at the price, but decided it was more trouble than it was worth to find another shop, so she dug a twenty out of her pocket and handed it over. A few minutes later Amanda was handed her drink and her change, with a mumbled thank you, she made her way to small table at the back of the semi- crowded restaurant. Keeping her head down, she pushed her way through the rows of tabled and sighed with relief as she plopped herself onto the uncomfortable padded upholstery chair, she took a sip from her drink, it was almost worth that 7 bucks-almost.

Pulling her phone out of her jeans pocket, she rested her elbows on the table and held the phone directly in front of her face as she dialed her mothers number, hitting the go button, and putting the phone up to her ear. Amanda tapped her foot impatiently as she waited through the rings, praying her mother would do her this tiny thing and answer the phone, her prayers went unanswered and after a couple more rings it went to voice mail. Amanda didn't leave a message, her mother wouldn't check it anyway. Why was she surprised, her mother never had been a dependable person, she should have expected her mother to not show up, to leave her to fend for herself. Resting her head on her hand, Amanda sighed. She had 50, wait, 43 dollars to her name, that's all her dad had on him when he dropped her off at the airport. Her dad must've been relived to get rid of her. She had the address to the apartment where Kim and her mother had been staying, but what if they weren't home? What would she do?

Amanda had no friends here, no other family besides her mother and Kim, and only had her Drivers License and 43 bucks in her wallet. She had a few pairs of clothes in her bag, along with her toiletries, but what would she do without a place to stay? She didn't really want to risk wasting her last few dollars on a cab, in case they weren't at the address, but what other choice did she have? She couldn't stand in front of the airport all night.

Taking quick sips of her coffee, she sent a text to Kim, saying she was here and really confused, but to no surprise never received a response from her sister. Popping the lid off her coffee, she quickly gulped the rest down, and pushed her phone back in her pocket, before standing and throwing her cup away, and exiting the cafe.

Once she was back on the busy street, the sky had gotten darker, but New York had lit up. The city lights were blinding and so beautiful, she stood there for a solid ten minutes staring in awe at all the lights, walking dumbly down the street, her head turning every which way. This place was just starting to get a little better, Amanda slid her phone back out, and checked the time. It was a little past 8 PM, and it was already getting dark out here and fast. Amanda may have been new to the big city, but she wasn't stupid, it wouldn't be a smart move to stay out here this late. She watched as people hailed cabs and when she felt confident enough she stepped to the side of the rode and held her hand out, a cab pulled over for her just a few minutes later. Removing her bag from her back she slid the bag in first and then climbed in after it.

"Where to, miss?"

She gave the cabbie the address Kim texted to her a few days earlier, and rested her head against the window as she watched the city flash past her. Amanda allowed herself a moment to relax through the long ride, luckily there wasn't much traffic so it was a relatively short ride. When the car finally pulled over, Amanda looked at the meter, 20 bucks, she pulled the money out of her pocket and handed it to him and then grabbed her bag and quickly exited the cab.

Looking up Amanda grimaced, the apartments she stood in front of were grimy and didn't look all that appealing. Looking at her phone she checked the building address once more and then pulled the front door open, scanning the apartment doors on the first floor she saw numbers like A-1. Looking down at her phone again, she checked the number she was looking for. C-11. Walking down the hall to the elevators, Amanda clicked the button and waited, when the elevator finally got there she stepped inside and looked at the buttons. Instead of floor numbers they had the letters of the doors on each floor, A was 1, B was 2, C was 3, she clicked on 3 and nervously fidgeted with the pockets of her jeans as the elevator slowly climbed upwards.

She was nervous, she was scared, she didn't know what she was doing. Her dad hadn't wanted her around anymore, so he payed for a plane ticket and shipped her off to a big and frustrating city, a city that she knew next to nothing about, and when she got to said city, her mother couldn't even be bothered to meet her at the airport? She didn't know how to feel about that, the ding of the elevator took her out of her thoughts and she slowly exited, scanning the hall. The floor was covered with a dirty green carpet, which looked like it held all types of bacteria, the paint on the walls were stained yellow and peeling a bit, and Amanda spotted a stray roach on the walls here or there as she walked down the hall, looking for C-11.

She passed C-2, C-3, She passed all the damn C's except the one she needed, C-11 turned out to be the last door at the end of the hallway, and she took a moment to relax before she raised her hand slowly, and knocked on the door. Amanda became more and more anxious as the seconds ticked by and nobody opened up, she knocked again, and waited..nobody answered. She tilted her head back, holding back the tears that were trying to escape, shaking her head she turned to leave when the door creaked open.

_"Manda?"_ She saw her sisters blonde hair before she saw her face, _"Manda! You're here!" _

"Yeah, I'm here, Kim. I'm here."


	2. Remains

**Chapter 2**: **Remains**

* * *

_I will go rolling fast_  
_ Arms out in the rain_  
_ Feel momentum building 'til_  
_ I lift off ground like an airplane_  
_ Love ties you down to the pain_  
_ A billion eyes are watching, fossilized_  
_ They see what remains_  
_ Remains_

* * *

**Amanda's POV: **

Amanda opened her locker successfully on the third try, finally getting the combination to work for her. The locker was bare and clean just as she'd expected, she only had a few notebooks to shove in the space, before she slammed her locker shut and sighed.

After she'd been welcomed home, her mother had informed her that she'd been unable to pick her up from the airport because she'd gotten her enrolled in school, a very nice school- she had no idea how her mother paid the tuition for both her and Kim, but it did take some of the pain away about being ditched. Her mother had been sweet when Amanda had first arrived, telling her she could take the couch, and offering her dinner, but this morning was a whole different story. She'd been woken up with a cup of cold water splashed over her, she'd had her bag of clothes thrown at her head by her obviously drunken mother, and she'd been dragged out of the house by Kim who was eager to get to school- where she had friends.

Her mother was just using her for a child support check and Kim was just happy she'd finally beaten her sister at something. Kim had actually gone out of her way to point her out to her friends during lunch, and then they had turned away laughing. Amanda didn't really mind, she'd never had many friends and she didn't mind being on her own, when they'd still been in Atlanta, she'd always preferred to snuggle into the couch and watch some cheesy romantic comedy. She would miss those nights.

All the classes had gone pretty much the same, in some she'd been asked to stand up and introduce herself- and in others she hadn't been really noticed. Amanda never liked giving the awkward hello speech, she wasn't shy by any means, but she preferred to just keep quiet and watch the people around her. Looking down at the slip of people that had her schedule scrawled on it- Seniors Advanced English with Olivia Benson room 308, nodding to herself she headed to her last class of the day. She'd heard things about Ms. Benson in the cafeteria and while she navigated the halls, apparently she was a real bitch, and nobody really liked her. Amanda was going to do her best to stay out of the way, so she would never have to find out if Ms. Benson's bitchy status was true. She wasn't here to make trouble.

Her grandma had always told her that one day her feisty nature would get her into big trouble, it certainly had gotten her in plenty of trouble in Atlanta, and she was determined to lay low here in New York. So far she'd not been bothered much, except the occasional whispers in the hall or her sisters friends cracking stupid jokes when they thought she wasn't paying attention, but Amanda could take that. She wasn't worried about any trouble here.

She only had two more doors till 308, Amanda was determined to get there slightly early, so she could claim a seat in the back row. As she entered room 308, she was slightly shocked, Ms. Benson didn't seem to have arrived yet, but people had obviously had the same idea as her, half the seats in the back row were taken, so she hurriedly snagged one of the last seats in the back- situated right beside the window. How bad was Benson if kids showed up early to get a seat as far away from the front as possible? She shrunk back against the seat, and pulled the hood of her hoodie up, slipping her ear buds into her ears as she waited for the rest of her classmates to enter the room.

She felt a light tap on her shoulder, and she removed an ear bud as she turned to look at the person next to her.

_"Hey, sorry, but I've never seen you around here before, just wanted to give you fair warning about Benson, I wouldn't let her catch you with those earphones in."_

The guy next to her was really handsome, African American, and he had a really kind smile, so Amanda nodded and put her earphones away.

"Thanks, I'm Amanda by the way. You were right I am new, is it that obvious?"

He extended his hand to her and his smile grew even bigger, _"Nah, don't worry bout it, I'm Odafin- Fin for short. It's nice to meet you, baby girl."_

She took his hand and gave it a slight shake. "So, what's the deal with Benson? I've heard a lot about her today."

Fin shook his head, and scooted his desk a bit closer, _"She's a real piece of work, real strict if you know what I'm saying, people round here call her a bitch-and if I wasn't raised to respect my elders, I'd agree."_

Amanda only nodded, and as she went to say something else but she was interrupted by a low voice. _"Good Afternoon, it's good to see everybody back. I hope you all had a nice weekend, I hope you enjoyed yourselves, because today we have that test that we've been talking about."_ She noticed Fin scoot his desk back out of the corner of her eye, and she had yet to look up, still trying to follow her policy of not being noticed.

It was like nobody made a sound, all she could hear was the clicking of heels on the tile floor, focusing her attention out the window, hoping when Ms. Benson got to her that by some miracle she would be overlooked. Something about her made Amanda extremely nervous. When she finally looked up, her breath caught in her throat and her mouth went dry. Her teacher was beautiful- and extremely hot. Like dirty, sexual, crazy hot. Ms. Benson was dressed in a black pantsuit with a flowing white blouse underneath, the pants hugged the woman in all the right places- and the shirt showed a hint of cleavage that had Amanda's mouth watering.

_"You'll have most of the class to complete the test, I expect it done, I need to figure out what curriculum I need to start focusing on in here."_

Amanda only swallowed and looked back down at her desk, playing with a strand of her blonde hair, flipping open her notebook and trying to look productive. Then a paper was slid on to her desk, over her notebook, and the heels turned around and walked back up the isle. She smiled and flipped her paper over, she'd always been fairly decent at English, so she understood the questions- and in turn the answers came quickly to her. The test was only about 20 questions long, and the reading passages took up a page or so, Amanda had also always read faster than her peers, so she was done in under ten minutes.

She flipped the packet over, and placed her notebook on top of it, using her free time to draw random things. Amanda had never been particularly talented at art, but she enjoyed drawing, even though they always turned out crappy.

She'd had a small bag of Skittles during her lunch break, so she took the time to sketch out a single skittle, making it perfectly round and evenly proportioned. She spent the next 30 minutes of class perfecting the 'S' in the middle of her circle.

_"Alright, hand in your assignments on your way out, have a good afternoon."_

The bell rang not even a minute later, and she looked over at Fin who shot her a wink and wave, as he prepared to leave. She grabbed her notebook and packet, keeping her head down as she made her way to the front, she was one of the last ones in line to turn in the assignment, but Amanda didn't mind waiting. She had nothing else to do. When it was her turn to turn her work in, she didn't even look up, instead holding the paper out for the woman to take, the paper was taken from her, and she sighed with relief as she made to walk out.

_"Wait, I'd like you to stay a moment, please." _Damn, that voice, Amanda was torn between making a bolt and waiting, she decided to wait.

She turned around and looked up, Ms. Benson was right in front of her. _"Can I ask what you were drawing back there?"_

Amanda only nodded dumbly, "I drew a Skittle."

Ms. Benson only tilted her head and her brow furrowed in a way Amanda thought was absolutely adorable.

"You know the candy, fruity, taste the rainbow?" Amanda tried to explain.

_"Yes, I know what Skittles are, why did you choose to draw one?"_

"I still had some time before the bell, so why not?" Amanda shrugged, trying her hardest not to look the older woman in the eye, but then her gaze would wander down to the woman's chest, so she settled for looking past her.

_"You're new."_

Amanda sighed, and transferred her notebook to her other hand, _"_I was really hoping you wouldn't notice_."_

She heard Ms. Benson chuckle, and she offered a light smile in return.

_"Well since I have noticed, I'm Olivia Benson, Miss Benson."_

"Amanda- Amanda Rollins."

AN: Should I continue?


	3. Enchanted

_Chapter 3: Enchanted_

* * *

_Enchanted:  
This is me praying that  
This was the very first page  
Not where the story line ends  
My thoughts will echo your name  
Until I see you again  
These are the words I held back  
As I was leaving too soon  
I was enchanted to meet you_

* * *

**Amanda POV: **

"I heard you got Benson, how was she?"

"What?"

"Benson," Kim repeated from where she was sitting on the floor, painting her nails. "How was she?"

"Oh," Amanda shrugged, and turned her attention back to her notebook. "She was fine, she seemed nice."

Kim just made an incredulous face, and stared at Amanda. "I'm sure you're the first to talk about Benson like that, you're her only fan."

"Yeah." Amanda bit her lip, turning back to her notebook, she'd been trying to complete her calculus homework before Kim had interrupted her.

"Why'd you wanna know about Benson?" Amanda asked curiously, not looking up from her calculus.

She heard Kim snort. "Just wandering what you thought of the old bitch. Nobody likes her, the other teachers barely stand her," Kim scooted forward, closer to her, and leaned in. "You know, the only reason a woman's that bitter, she's not getting any."

"Kim!" Amanda gasped, looking up from her work. "I don't think she's old, she was the first decent person I've met since I walked out of that airport," Amanda shook her head and continued, "I have homework, if you wouldn't mind."

"Manda," Kim sighed, scooting back to her original place. "You don't have to get all defensive, just talkin to you."

Amanda just sighed and closed her notebook. "I'm sorry, Kim. Didn't mean to snap at you. Just stressed."

"It's okay." Kim nodded, uncapping her nail polish and picking up where she left off. "I forgive you, we're sisters, Manda."

It wasn't that Amanda was mad at Kim, but she wasn't exactly pleased with the way Kim had joked about her with her friends. Ms. Benson was the first person to offer her a smile, and the first to make her smile, since she'd arrived in New York. Amanda had always been fiercely loyal, so it pissed her off a bit to hear her hypocritical sister, talking about the one person, who'd made her feel like a respected person. Besides that guy she'd met in class, Fin. He was alright too.

"Oh hey," Kim chirped up after a few minutes. "Mama's going out tonight, and I've got a date, so you'll be going solo."

Amanda frowned in confusion. She hadn't even been here a full day, and her family was already splitting up.

"Hey, Manda," Kim looked up, and smiled. "You should be happy, it's a big city, you don't have dad lookin over your shoulder anymore, you have cash, have fun."

"Isn't that dangerous?" Amanda replied.

Kim just rolled her eyes. Her sister was so oblivious.

"I have to spell it out don't I?" Kim set down her nail polish, and looked Amanda in the eye. "Get a life, Manda."

Amanda nodded her head, "I think I might go out tonight, mom wouldn't care either way."

Kim only nodded, "Glad you finally loosened up, you gotta stop being so uptight."

"Yeah." Amanda laughed, standing from the floor, "I'm gonna take a shower."

Kim winked at her, before going back to her nails.

******~x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x~**

Amanda scowled, as she sat on the park bench. She'd taken her sisters advice, and went out. That's how she found herself sitting on a bench, in the middle of Central Park, holding a bottle of vodka wrapped in a brown bag. Before she left, her sister had given her directions to a little liquor shop, that didn't I.D. Amanda had lost track of how long she'd been sitting on this bench, she'd drunk until her body was numb to the cold. She'd been staring at the street lamp across from her, for the longest time. Her thoughts were slow, and she was so tired.

Amanda drunk to forget, she drunk to numb the pain, she drunk because her father had shipped her off, she drunk because her mother was a drunk, and she drunk because her sister wanted nothing to do with her. Amanda had never been one to voice her pain to others, preferring to find the closest alcoholic beverage. Back home- she used to take beer from her dads stash in the fridge, and then he'd beat her later that night, once he'd drunken from that same stash. Amanda hated her father, both for taking her away from her home, and also for drinking himself to a stupor every night. But, who was she to judge? Wasn't she doing the same thing right now?

Her father wasn't the only one to blame, her mother had played a huge role in Amanda's problems as well. When Amanda's mom had packed her bags, to leave her husband, Amanda had been five, Kim was a few years younger. Kim was also the one that her mother had taken. Amanda had been left, abandoned by her mother, with her drunken father- in a shitty little house in Georgia.

Amanda hadn't always been so bitter, so cynical, but 12 years in that house, with only her drunk father for company, had sucked Amanda's innocence from her. With every holiday her father spent passed out on the bathroom floor, with every time her father pounded his fist on Amanda's door, drunkenly shouting for Amanda to let him in, and every time she'd been forced to crawl out of her bedroom window to escape her drunk fathers wrath.

Amanda's mom had lost innocence as well, both with her divorce, and then with moving to Las Vegas first. Where she discovered the shiny world of gambling and drugs, and now here in New York, where she continued to party. She'd been interested in Amanda all of 2 seconds, before she'd turned back to the T.V.

Amanda sighed, and stood up. Her legs protested, and she swayed a bit. Her world was spinning, but she managed to make it to the closest park trashcan without tripping, and that was an accomplishment. Throwing her bottle away, Amanda leaned against the side of the trashcan, trying to catch her breath.

She just hoped she could make it to the Subway without getting lost.

******~x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x~**

Amanda rested her head on her arms, as she tried to block out the roar of chatter coming from the other kids in the cafeteria. Her head was pounding, and the flicker of the florescent lights overhead made Amanda's eyes hurt.

Amanda had managed to make it on the train last night, she'd almost passed out in her seat, but she managed to tumble out of the subway at her stop. She'd taken an insane amount of time to remember which floor the apartment was on, and she was pretty sure she'd disturbed almost every resident on the 3rd floor as she stumbled down the hall. When she'd gotten home both her mother and Kim were nowhere to be seen, so she'd taken Kim's bed for the night.

That morning, her mother had woken her up with the cool, refreshing, sensation of a cup of Vodka being poured onto her head. Amanda had rushed to the shower, and held her eyes open as she let the cold water rinse them.

Armed with the only pair of sunglasses she'd brought from Georgia, she'd stepped out into the too bright morning. She'd dragged her tired body to school, in a timely manner, so she thought she'd done pretty good.

That's how she'd wound up here, she'd made it through all of her classes, and she only had a few minutes left of lunch. Amanda was excited for her last class, she was excited to see Fin and if she was really honest with herself, she was jumping out of her seat to see Ms. Benson again. Despite of the fact she knew nothing about the woman, she felt drawn to her. Like a moth to a flame.

So when the bell rang, Amanda hastily pushed her way through the crowd, and fought to be one of the first students through the exit. Amanda clutched her notebook tighter, as she shimmied her way through the throng of students in the hall. She was nervously biting her lip by the time she made it to 308. Breathing deeply, she shook her head, and softly opened the door. She was really early, and she was the first one here today. Sighing she started to make her way to the back, when her voice made her freeze.

_"Amanda."_

Slowly turning, Amanda saw what she had missed before. Ms. Benson was leaning against her desk, her arms folded across her chest, and she wore a little smirk on her lips.

"Hey," Amanda blushed. "I- uh- I didn't see you."

A hot flash of arousal flashed through her as her teacher pushed off the desk and walked around her desk, Amanda's eyes immediately went to the older woman's backside.

"I graded your test last night," Ms. Benson removed a packet from the pile on top of her desk. "You did very very well, you're very smart Amanda."

Amanda could only nod, and stare at the lovely woman in front of her. Ms. Benson was dressed in a pair of tight black jeans that showed off her toned thighs and well rounded backside, a backside Amanda found herself entranced with. Paired with the jeans, was a tight, black, oxford style button up shirt. The top buttons were undone, Amanda felt like she couldn't breathe. The gap in the shirt only showed off a small amount of cleavage, but Amanda liked what she saw.

Olivia seemed oblivious to Amanda's lustful gaze. "What school did you attend before this?" Olivia paused, and brushed Amanda's arm with her hand, in a soothing gesture that shot through Amanda like white hot fire, straight to her core. "Where did you leave off in your classes?"

Students began piling through the door, effectively cutting off Amanda's answer. She gave one last look and smiled. Amanda turned to take her seat at the back of the room.

It was an extremely short wait, and within minutes of the arrival of the last students, the bell rung. shut the door, and moved back to the center of the room. She sat slightly on her desk, and clasped her hands together. Amanda couldn't stop staring. Ms. Benson's clothes fit her perfectly, and they showed off her amazing figure but they also further reinforced the fact that was a successful, classy, independent _woman_, and there was no possible way she could ever see Amanda as more than a student.

_"Today, we're going to be reviewing some of the more well known pieces of Victorian Literature. In this period novels were very important. Novels in the Victorian period were idealized portraits of difficult lives. These tales often featured hard work, perseverance, love, and luck winning out eventually,"_ Ms. Benson paused, and Amanda felt like the woman was looking straight at her. _"For the next few weeks we'll be reviewing parts of the more famous novels written in the Victorian Period. Novels such as Jayne Eyre, Vanity Fair, Wuthering Heights, and multiple novels by Charles Dickens."._

Ms. Benson's eyes locked with Amanda's. "Today, I want you to write down a few novels that you think shaped that period of time."

The eye contact was smoldering, with what, Amanda didn't know. She couldn't look away, even as her peers began getting out pens and notebooks, she couldn't look away from those warm brown orbs. The older woman broke the eye contact, turned and headed back to her desk, sitting in her chair and pulling some papers in front of her.

Amanda finally managed to look away, sighing, she ripped a piece of paper out.

******~x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x~**

Amanda was stopped by Olivia's arm as she made to exit the room, class had ended about 10 minutes ago, and like yesterday she was the last in line for the door.

"Amanda, can I have a minute?"

She only nodded, and allowed to close the door, and usher her back towards the center of the classroom.

"Amanda, I wanted to finish our earlier conversation."

Amanda looked at her watch, she couldn't handle being in a room- alone with the woman she'd spent the better part of the period undressing with her eyes.

"Uh- I'd like that, but my mom expects me home soon, so maybe tomorrow?"

Ms. Benson nodded, and grabbed a piece of paper from her desk, scrawling something on it and then handing it to Amanda.

"My number," Olivia tilted her head, and placed a soft hand on Amanda's arm. "If you need anything, call."

Amanda shoved the paper into her pocket, shot the older woman a quick "Thank you.", and exited the room.

That woman was intoxicating.

Amanda spent the rest of her walk home thinking about the way her teacher smelled.

When she'd gotten home, she'd done the dishes, and helped her mom move off the couch and into the bedroom. By the time she settled down to do her homework, she realized she'd forgotten to write down the assignment that assigned. Amanda pulled the piece of paper that had Benson's number on it, she pulled her phone out as well. Sending a quick text message.

'Could you maybe tell me what you assigned for homework?'

Not even a minute later, Amanda's phone beeped. She curled up in the armchair and clicked on her inbox.

_'Just tell me which one you'd rather read. Jayne Eyre or Wuthering Heights.'_ read Benson's reply.

Smiling to herself, Amanda clicked on her phone's keyboard. 'Thanks, I think Jayne Eyre.'

Her reply came shortly, and Amanda was grinning when she opened it.

_'Good choice. You didn't answer my question earlier, what school did you come from?'_

'Just a small school in Georgia.'

_'This small school have a name?'_

_'_Classified information.'

_'Oh, really?'_

'I'm afraid so, Ma'am.'

'_You know I'll just look in the database since you won't tell me._' Ms. Benson's reply came with a smiley face next to the woman's words.

'Have at it.'

_'I will. I'll see you tomorrow, Rollins.'_


	4. I surrender

AN: Hello! I'm so glad you guys are enjoying, I'm having a ton of fun writing this. In advance I apologize for any spelling or grammar errors, I have no beta, but I try to proof read and catch most of them. Thank you for your reviews! They encourage me to write.

The more reviews the more I want to write.

Thank you.

**Chapter 4: I Surrender.**

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_Secret, hidden underneath it,_  
_ Trying hard to keep it_  
_ Safely out of reach._  
_ Creeping, I can feel it breathing, _  
_ Calling to the surface, _  
_ Finally in my dreams._

_Taken down I give into what I can't disguise._  
_ I surrender._  
_ Broken down, I give into what I can not have.._  
_ I surrender._

_-Digital Daggers_

* * *

**_Amanda's POV: _**

Amanda blew out a deep breath as she walked down the hall to her apartment. This place really was shady. The complex offered sex offender's living next door to you, roaches, and mold in your shower- what a deal. Not that Amanda planned on staying in this place for much longer, she planned on talking to her mom about moving out as soon as she got a chance. Amanda was 17, turning 18 in December. It shouldn't be that big of a deal to live alone, the school didn't have to know.

There was a plethora of reasons Amanda needed to get out. The apartment was too small, her mother had obviously gone for the cheapest place she could get. It was a two bedroom- barley. Kim's room was the size of a walk-in closet. Amanda had been sleeping on the couch, but she couldn't do that for the whole year. Her mother and Kim also played a large part in her needing to move, she couldn't take Kim's mood swings anymore- one moment Kim would be completely innocent, complimenting Amanda and making jokes- the next moment she'd turn in to the devil, yelling about how Amanda stole everything from her, how she'd been in New York first and Amanda just had to come and ruin her life. Like Amanda actually wanted to be here.

She'd been thinking about leaving for the past few weeks. She'd secured an after school job at the coffee joint around the corner from school, and she'd finally gotten her father to send her the rest of the money she'd left behind in Atlanta. She had around 1,000 dollars saved up from her time in Atlanta, that was enough for her to put down first months rent on an apartment.

Amanda fumbled for her key's, unlocking the door to the apartment. Pushing the door open, she stepped in and threw her bag into the corner. Scanning the apartment, she spotted her mother on the couch, drinking a box of wine.

"Hey Mom," Amanda muttered, walking up to the couch.

Her mother set the box down on the floor, and looked up at her. "Amanda, thought you had school or somethin' else to be doin," her mother grumbled.

"Oh, uh, yeah," Amanda stuttered a bit. Her mother was already impatient and she hadn't even begun speaking. "I have something I need to talk to you about."

Her mom leaned down and grabbed the box, taking a quick swig. "Make it quick. Show's gonna be on soon."

Amanda shook her head. "Well," Amanda said. "I've been thinking, a lot actually." She looked at her drunken mother. "Mom, I want to move."

Her mother just gave her a weird look and laughed.

"You got money to move us, Manda?" Her mother asked, taking a swig from the box.

Amanda shoved her hands in her pockets and chuckled uncomfortably. Her mother was making this really difficult.

"No, mom," Amanda said lightly. "I want to move out, by myself."

Her mother just took another sip of wine and laughed. "Amanda, you're too young."

"Mom, I'm 17. I'll be 18 in a few months, I'll be leaving either way. I'm asking you to leave early."

"Mandy, you just got that job," Her mother sat the box down, and looked up. "You could really help with bills round here."

Amanda rolled her eyes at that one. "Why would I pay for this?" Amanda asked. "I don't have a bed here, I'm only here at night on the couch, I pay for all my food- I've only eaten takeout since I got here, and I want to move out. I don't want to support you, it was supposed to be the other way around, Mom! You were supposed to look out for me! Not the other way around."

"What about your schooling? I payed for that."

Amanda snorted, "No, you said you did. You paid for Kim's. The school's public now, so there is no tuition fee."

Her mom was up and in her face, spitting as she spoke. "Little bitch, listen here. I care for you, I provided. You slept under my roof! You owe me."

"I don't owe you shit," Amanda stepped away, putting distance between them.

"Bitch!" Her mother cried, Amanda saw it coming, but had no time to react as her mother lunged forward. Grabbing Amanda by the hair, and throwing her to the ground.

Amanda could feel her mother's punches, they were slightly sloppy since her mother had been drinking but they still did some damage. Amanda covered her face, and tried to push her mother's heavy body off of her middle. The punches stopped, and then there was a bruising grip to her arm.

"I say you pay rent, you pay fucking rent," her mother spat. "I say you live with me, you live with me." She took another punch and then her mother grabbed her hair, trying to drag Amanda into the kitchen. Her mother released her hair and rummaged through the kitchen drawers, every time Amanda moved she got a swift kick to her abdomen. Finally, her mother grabbed her hair and forced her head up. She was holding a knife. She held the sharp tool to the side of Amanda's face as she spoke. "Do you understand, Amanda?"

Amanda nodded her head.

"Good, now get in the living room and sit your ass down. I don't wanna see you move until it's time for you to go to school."

Amanda nodded again, and got up.

Instead of going to the living room, Amanda headed to the bathroom. Stepping in the small space she closed the door and peered into the mirror. She hadn't received much damage to her face, no bruising, other than a slightly swollen lip her face was fine. She cringed as she removed her shirt, it hurt to raise her arms. Amanda poked lightly at the hand shaped bruises on her upper arms, then she scanned her lower body. Her abdomen had bruising from where she'd been kicked but nothing too bad.

Sighing, Amanda leaned over and started the shower. She pulled her jeans and underwear down her legs, and took one last glance in the dingy mirror before stepping into the molded shower stall.

She let her tears run down the drain with the shower water.

******~x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x~**

"Thanks," Amanda smiled at the guy who held the door for her, as she stepped into the lunch room. As she made her way through the crowded area, she clutched her bag to her side, and kept her head down. She'd applied lip gloss to try and make her lip look better, and she'd opted for long sleeves even though it was still in the 90's outside.

Amanda had made it through all of her other periods but she was really dreading lunch, it was the only time she really saw Kim in school, and she was sure that her mother had told Kim what happened. Kim had never taken a beating, even in Atlanta, her father had never touched Kim. Amanda had always been the one to receive beatings from both parents. She'd gotten used to it, but that didn't mean she didn't feel any less violated every time it happened.

As soon as she'd settled at her table, Kim rushed over.

"Hey Mandy," Kim said, as she slid her tray onto the table and took a seat across from Amanda.

"Hello Kim," Amanda replied, not looking up from the table.

Kim bit into her apple and spoke while she chewed, "Mom really did a number, huh?"

Amanda winced. "She told you?" Of course her mother would brag about beating her daughter to everyone who'd listen.

Kim smiled, and sat her apple back on her tray, "Course, she told me," Kim took a drink of soda and continued, "From what she said, you deserved it, Sis."

Amanda grimaced. "Are-Are you kidding me, Kim?" Amanda leaned forward and made eye contact with her sister, "You've got to be fuckin with me, you came over here to tell me I deserved to be beaten?"

Kim sighed, "Well you know Mom needs the money, Manda," Kim rolled her eyes. "Plus, you have it good there. It's a nice place. Mama's right, she does take care of you." Kim just shrugged and continued eating her lunch.

Amanda was disgusted with her family. First her father, now her mother, and now Kim telling her that she deserves what she gets.

Amanda stood from her seat, and began walking towards the exit, "Go fuck yourself, Kim." she said over her shoulder.

She couldn't stay in that room with her sister anymore, so she exited the cafeteria. She made her way upstairs, content to just roam the halls until lunch ended, so with that thought in mind, Amanda made her way to her locker to put her bag up. Just as she closed the locker shut, and turned around, she heard heels coming down the hall. Turning, she caught sight of the woman who had been in her dreams for the past week. Ms. Benson wore a purple sleeveless top today, paired with black slacks, and boots. God, did she make Amanda's mouth water.

The woman's walk made her breasts bounce slightly and Amanda couldn't look away, not even when the woman was right in front of her.

"Amanda," Ms. Benson smiled.

"Hey, Ms. Benson," Amanda said a little too enthusiastically, a little too happy. She tried to turn it down, "How's your day been?"

Ms. Benson just seemed to step closer to her, "Day's going good. Yours?"

Amanda ducked her head, and blushed at the older woman's proximity. "Mine's been okay."

"Why aren't you at lunch?" Ms. Benson asked, tilting her head slightly.

Amanda blanked. What could she say, my asshole sister thinks that I deserved a beating? So she opted for simply nodding her head stupidly, biting her lip.

Ms. Benson eventually got the point that she didn't want to discuss it, "Well, since you're up here, do you wanna chill in the room? You've still got a while till lunch ends. I'll share my sandwich with you, c'mon."

Without giving Amanda a chance to answer, Ms. Benson grabbed Amanda's arm softly to usher her into the room. Amanda let out a hiss, even with Ms. Benson's light touch, the bruises were still fresh and it hurt.

Ms. Benson frowned, and let go of her arm. "Amanda?" Ms. Benson sounded worried.

"I'm fine, just took me by surprise is all." Amanda smiled, trying to reassure the older woman.

Ms. Benson seemed reluctant to let it go, but she walked over to her desk, and pulled up a chair for Amanda, before taking out a sandwich.

"Want some?" Ms. Benson asked hopefully, looking up at Amanda with those big brown eyes and Amanda was powerless.

She nodded and accepted the half Ms. Benson offered her. "Thank you, Ms. Benson."

"Olivia."

Amanda almost choked, "What?"

Ms. Benson just smiled, "You can call me Olivia when we're not in class, Ms. Benson's a little formal while we're sharing lunch."

"Okay, Olivia." Amanda tested, liking the way the older woman's name rolled off her tongue.

Without thinking Amanda rolled her sleeves up and prepared to bite into her sandwich, when she felt gentle fingers on her arm.

Shit. Amanda went to pull her sleeve down over her arm, but Olivia stopped her. "Who gave you these?"

"Nobody, I ran into the door. I'm clumsy." Amanda once again tried to pull her arm from Olivia, but the woman held tight. Olivia's fingers ghosted over her damaged skin, softly soothing with her fingertips. Amanda bit her lip and looked at the older woman, shivering at the feelings that rushed through her from the woman's touch.

Olivia's eyes met hers and they stared at each other from across Olivia's desk, Olivia's fingers kept tracing patterns on Amanda's arm, and Amanda couldn't think straight, much less speak.

Amanda was just about to reach out and place her hand over Olivia's, when the bell rung.

Olivia sighed and removed her hand, "I want to see you after, so don't even think about going anywhere."

Amanda could only nod. She made it to her seat in the back on autopilot. She didn't notice the other student's taking their seats, she didn't notice Fin trying to get her attention, and she didn't notice the worried gaze being directed at her from a pair of dark brown eyes from the front of the room.

God, she'd made a fool of herself. Olivia had been doing her job and she'd acted like she was going to jump over the table and pounce on her over a simple touch. She heard Olivia speaking at the front but she couldn't focus. Her mind kept replaying the way Olivia's fingers had felt on her skin, the way Olivia had allowed their eye contact. Amanda had never felt like this before, and she'd only met the woman a few weeks prior.

She sat zoned out for the whole period, only snapping out of her arousal filled haze when she felt Olivia's fingers on her shoulder. Amanda quickly stood up from her desk and gathered her things.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Benson." Amanda said hurriedly, trying to step around the other woman to get to the door. "I didn't hear the bell."

"Amanda," Olivia touched her arm softly, "Who did that to you?"

Amanda shook her head, "I bumped the door. Nobody did anything."

"Amanda, those are hand prints on your arms. A door didn't do this." Olivia said softly, "Just tell me, I can help you."

Amanda shook Olivia off, "No. I don't need help. I ran into the door, I have to go. I'll be late for work."

Olivia nodded, but put her fingers under Amanda's chin, softly forcing her to tilt her head up and look her in the eyes. "If you bump into another door, you have my number. Doesn't matter the time. You need me, I'll come."

Amanda nodded, and looked into the woman's eyes for another overly long inappropriate amount of time, before walking around her and exiting.

This woman was going to kill her**. **  
******~x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x~**

As Amanda hurriedly left the block she heard a voice behind her.

"Amanda, wait up."

Turning she smiled when she saw Fin, the boy from class.

"Hey, Man," she greeted lightly.

"What's up? Where you going?" Fin asked curiously as he walked with her.

"Work. Wanna walk me?" Amanda joked.

"No problem, baby girl," Fin laughed. "Hey, what's the deal with you and Benson?"

Amanda coughed, "What?"

Fin just shook his head as they rounded a corner, "Come on Amanda, I'd have to be stupid to not notice the eyes you make at her. She was looking at you all period."

Amanda stopped suddenly when Fin interrupted. "Don't worry, Manda, I'm not gonna tell anyone."

"There's nothing to tell Fin, she's just helping me with some personal issues."

"I'm sure your issues are quite personal," Fin joked.

She elbowed him and waved as she crossed the street.

******~x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x~**

Amanda stood in the living room of a very nice apartment.

After work, despite her mothers warning, Amanda went to look at an apartment she'd seen in the newspaper. The apartment had caught her eye because it was in her price range, and the pictures looked really nice, plus it was closer to the school and the cafe. The manager had happily showed her around the place, he'd said that he'd showed a couple of other people the place, but if Amanda wanted it she wouldn't really have any competition.

The place was nice, it had big windows and was on the fourth floor. The floors were wooden and there was only carpet in the bedroom. It was a one bedroom spacious studio apartment. The place was bigger than she'd expected when she'd come up to view it. When you entered the front door you ended up in the kitchen area. The appliances were sort of updated, but they were nice appliances and there was a kitchen bar with stools already in place instead of a table. Next to the kitchen was the living room area, which had two big windows overlooking the neighborhood. The bedroom area was right across from the living room, the floor plan was open so you could see the bedroom space from the living room. The only doors in the place was the front door, and the bathroom door, everything else was open.

Amanda fell in love.

She turned to the apartment manager and smiled, "Anyway I could sign a lease today?"


	5. Numb

**AN: Okay, so I know this is posting kinda fast, but I was really excited to get this one out. **

**Please REVIEW. They mean a lot to me, I started working on this chapter as soon as I posted four, and as soon as I post this I'll get to work on 6. **

**Oh and I changed my mind, things might get a little heated, but nothing major. Just a bit of fun sexual tension. That's not illegal! So technically I didn't lie. **

**Thank you to those of you who have left me reviews, they mean so much to me, and I fangirl every time I see a new one. **

**Oh and sorry if the math in this chapter confused anybody, I had to actually budget Amanda's apartment and actually do research on Ikea. So that was fun.**

**So Thank you, Thank you, I love you all!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own IKEA or any Law & Order characters. All rights go to their respective owners. I only own my story and ideas.**

**Warning: Some sexual content and VIOLENCE! You've been warned. **

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**_Chapter 5: Numb._ **

* * *

_I've become so numb, I can't feel you there,_  
_ Become so tired, so much more aware_  
_ I'm becoming this, all I want to do_  
_ Is be more like me and be less like you._

_ And I know_  
_ I may end up failing too._  
_ But I know_  
_ You were just like me with someone disappointed in you._

_-Linkin Park_

* * *

**Amanda POV: **

Amanda Rollins let out a frustrated sigh as sank back into her pillows. It was almost 6 o'clock in the morning, but she wasn't tired. She was all ready for bed: teeth brushed, pajamas on, freshly showered body. But she couldn't force herself to go to sleep, and she didn't think she'd be able to anytime soon with all that had happened today.

Friday, Amanda had made a split second decision. She'd been in the apartment and she hadn't planned on signing the lease, but she knew she needed to get away and here was the perfect opportunity. The place was only 500 a month to rent. The landlord had been surprisingly helpful. He'd told her she could move in whenever she was ready and handed over the keys after she'd paid first months rent upfront in cash and completed the paperwork.

After she'd walked out of her new building, she'd went home and pretended like nothing was wrong. She didn't want to tell her mother until she got everything in order with the place. When she'd walked in the door Kim had simply smirked at her and her mother ignored her completely- she'd been forced to sleep on the floor that night, her mother claimed to need the couch for her back.

The next day was Saturday, so Amanda got paid for her two weeks at the cafe, 900 bucks. After she cashed her check, then she'd went to the Library and began looking up furniture. She didn't have that much to spend on furnishings for the apartment, so she had to find cheap stuff and budget her spending. Her budget consisted of the $1,800 dollars she had left. She quickly stumbled upon Ikea's website, apparently they had really cheap furniture. Amanda ordered her mattress for 300, bed frame for 200, A black 3 cushion sofa for 400, and her T.V unit and supplies for 290. Which left her with 610. Ikea had estimated her stuff would be delivered the next day, because she was right around the corner from a store.

After she finished she'd enlisted Fin to come by on Sunday to help her put the stuff together, he'd been confused, but he agreed.

Amanda must've answered the door about eight times before the movers got everything up to the apartment, she'd tipped them, and sat among the boxes as she waited for Fin to show up.

It had all happened so fast. Fin had arrived and apparently was relived she called him, he was a pro with Ikea furniture. Fin told her their pieces were sometimes really hard to put together, and wow was he right. They had spent the whole day putting together the different pieces of furniture. Each piece took a couple hours or more. Fin was patient tho, and he walked her through almost every step. They'd gotten everything put together in one day, Amanda didn't even want to think about how long that would've taken if Fin hadn't showed. Thankfully he didn't ask questions about her parents and he'd kept them both laughing while they worked. Amanda could really get used to having Fin around. Fin left around 2 o'clock in the morning, and Amanda had marveled at her new apartment.

It was hers and it was beautiful. No more sleeping on the couch, no more dealing with her drunken mother, no more coming home to Kim's insults. It was just her here, and Amanda loved it. Having had nothing else to do, she'd put on a coat, and walked the block to the 24/7 grocery. She'd spent 50 bucks on grocery's there, and when she got home, she made sure her fridge was fully stocked.

Amanda had also been trying to keep busy so she didn't think about Olivia. The woman captivated her and confused her. Amanda felt like an idiot for what she'd done on Friday, the way she'd reacted to the older woman's touch. When Olivia touched her it felt like something Amanda had never felt before, something she couldn't describe. It was a warm feeling, a good feeling, but it was still confusing. She felt bad for pushing Olivia away, it wasn't her fault that Amanda found her enchanting. Olivia had obviously been trying to help, but she couldn't stand the thought of the older woman seeing her as weak, so she'd made up some lame door story and Olivia had left it at that.

But Olivia had to feel something for her too, she'd touched Amanda- not in the way Amanda would have preferred- but she rubbed Amanda's arm. That wasn't professional or platonic. Yes, Amanda had gazed into chocolate brown orbs for way longer than was appropriate, but her English teacher hadn't exactly rushed to break the contact. They'd been silently communicating to each other. Amanda didn't know what exactly they communicated, but there was_ something_ there.

She'd started to text the woman twice today, but then quickly snapped her phone shut. What would she say if Olivia answered? She couldn't make a homework excuse, but she wanted to talk to the woman badly but Amanda didn't want to embarrass herself, so she kept her phone way out of reaching distance.

Amanda was enamored with her teacher—that much was clear. Amanda loved talking with Olivia, loved looking at Olivia, just loved _being_ with Olivia. She admired Olivia's class and her skill, admired how gentle Olivia could be. Of course she knew Olivia couldn't harbor those types of feelings for her, but she could pretend.

Closing her eyes again, Amanda tried to count sheep. It worked for a minute, until she started thinking about Olivia. Somehow Olivia breached her thoughts, and now Amanda couldn't keep the older woman out of her head. Olivia was beautiful. She had tanned skin, brown hair that held natural highlights that really popped when she stood in the sun. God she was screwed, she'd noticed her highlights. And those eyes, those eyes held so much emotion, she could get lost in those eyes. Then she began thinking about the woman's body. Those ample breasts, breasts Amanda imagined palming, breasts she imagined sucking on. Those hands, hands she wanted scratching her back as she pleasured Olivia. Her hips, oh lord, her hips were amazing. Amanda wanted to kiss and bite those hips as Olivia writhed underneath her. Oh, and the things Amanda would do to that backside, those tight slacks Olivia always wore made it extremely difficult for Amanda not to reach out and cup a cheek.

Without her brain's consent, Amanda's hand began snaking her hand under her shorts. She didn't even realize what she was doing, until her fingers were rubbing her folds. With a little imagination she could pretend Olivia was above her, it was Olivia's hand in her shorts, Olivia's fingers softly stroking her. Jerking her hand away, Amanda sat up. No! She knew that fantasizing about Olivia while she touched herself would only intensify her longing for the brunette, and she didn't want that. She couldn't have that- not tonight.

Amanda took a deep breath and then turned on her side, hugging her pillow to her as she went back to counting sheep and trying not to think about Olivia's fingers anywhere near her.

~X0~X0~X0~X0~

Amanda's alarm clock woke her from her slumber. Thankfully it'd just been a black screen all night, no dreams that she could remember. Sighing, she tossed the covers off her body, and padded her way to the bathroom.

Amanda was so grateful to have a place of her own, it was her first day truly living here, but she was ecstatic. The only thing that could go wrong today, was telling her mother about her new apartment. She didn't know exactly how that would play out but she was dreading the confrontation and she had good reason, the last time she'd crossed her mother, she'd nearly got her ribs broken.

Once she was showered and dressed, Amanda slipped her sunglasses on and made her way to the cafe where she worked. She ordered her usual iced coffee and decided to get Olivia a cappuccino, as an apology for her behavior. Taking both cups, Amanda almost skipped to school. Her day was going great, she had an excuse to see Olivia and her apartment had been put together way faster than she'd anticipated.

When she arrived at school, she'd slipped through the crowds easily enough, finally making it upstairs where she began to feel her nerves. Her hands were shaking by the time she reached 308. Amanda just barely managed to knock.

The door opened and a sleepy looking Olivia Benson appeared. Olivia looked surprised, but she welcomed Amanda in and closed the door behind her.

Amanda gave her a shaky smile, "Sorry to disturb but I brought you coffee."

"Oh, yes." Olivia groaned and accepted the beverage with a smile of her own, "Thank you. You're a life saver. I was so desperate for coffee I was about to go to the staff room for some," Olivia grimaced. "Who knows how long that coffee has been there."

"You're welcome, I was getting mine and I thought of you." Amanda was horrified with herself. She was such an idiot, could she sound anymore desperate.

Olivia nodded and took a sip from her cup, she swished the liquid around in her mouth, and then she moaned. The woman actually moaned, and Amanda was so close to loosing her shit. That moan went straight to Amanda's core.

"Where did you get this?" Olivia wandered, "It's amazing."

Amanda blushed, "I work at this cafe about a block away, I used my discount this morning."

Olivia eyes brightened, "I've seen that one, I'll have to stop in one day."

Amanda groaned, she could hardly contain herself while they were in the school building, if Olivia showed up to the cafe- she wouldn't be held accountable for her actions. "Sure, I work right after school. I usually memorize all the regular orders, anything you like in particular?"

Olivia set her cup down on her desk, and leaned up against it. "I have a thing for hazelnut or just black with creamer," Olivia smiled, "How bout you?"

"I like my coffee cold. I've always been scared I'd burn myself," Amanda chuckled. "When you're cursed with clumsiness like me, you always run the risk of spilling. Makes it easier if it's cold."

Olivia's eyes darkened. "Clumsiness, right. Seems like you've been having a lot of accidents lately?" Olivia stepped away from her desk, and shifted closer to Amanda, her eyes flickering down to Amanda's arm.

Amanda backed up a bit and shot Olivia a nervous smile, "I'm accident prone, I guess."

Olivia looked like she was about to argue, but then she closed her mouth and simply looked away.

Amanda scooted towards the door, "Well, I have class." she said awkwardly. "I'll see you later, Ms. Benson?"

Olivia frowned, and softly touched her arm. "We're not in class," the woman said softly. "It's Olivia."

Amanda shifted and rubbed the back of her neck, "I'll see you later then, Olivia?"

Olivia just smiled and winked, turning back to her coffee.

~X0~X0~X0~X0~

The rest of Amanda's day had gone pretty slowly. She'd been forced to watch an extremely long and awkward video about STD's in Health, she'd sat through one insanely boring lecture on the art of dissection during Biology, She'd always sucked at math- so when it came time for that class she'd done the wise thing and put her head down, in fourth a few kids got in a fight- Amanda of course pulled her phone- capturing the whole thing on video. For the rest of the period she'd been asked to show multiple strangers the video, her new popularity even carried to lunch. Kim had tried to speak with her about something, but was pushed out of the circle by anxious teenagers waiting to see a fight.

Amanda just wished people would leave her alone, she'd only pulled her phone because it was a natural reaction and she'd gotten caught up in the moment. After lunch most people had lost interest, but there were a few who followed her to 308. That's how she ended up with her phone out, standing right inside the classrooms doorway, letting people watch her phone's screen.

After a few minutes into the video, the group suddenly scattered and when she felt a tap on her shoulder she figured out why.

"Ms. Rollins, you're not supposed to have electronic devices out during school hours," Ms. Benson smirked.

Amanda nodded and made to put her phone away when Ms. Benson stopped her. "I might of overheard a few conversations in earlier periods, I understand you're the girl to talk to if somebody wanted to catch the fight that went down in Chemistry?"

Amanda blushed and nodded again, "Yeah, it's stupid. I got uh- caught up in the moment."

"May I see?" Olivia asked.

Amanda pulled her phone out again, and selected the video icon, scrolling for the video she wanted before handing her phone over to Olivia. Amanda tried to read Olivia's expressions as she watched the video, it was a mix between amusement and disappointment. After the video Olivia handed her phone back. "Thank you, Amanda."

Amanda tucked her phone in her pocket and made to make her way to the back when Olivia's voice stopped her, "Next time, do try not to stand so close. It's dangerous to be that close to angry teenagers."

Amanda chuckled and smiled to herself as she took her seat.

In class a few people tried to whisper or throw things to get Amanda's attention, but glares from Olivia quickly silenced them. Today she'd assigned them to read a few chapters of Jayne Eyre in class, and write their thoughts down after a certain amount of pages. Amanda tried to work- she really did, but it was hard to concentrate on taking notes when all she could think about were the pair of eyes that were on her. She'd looked up a few times, and every time she did Olivia would quickly look away. This game went on till the end of the period, I'd look up, and she'd pretend to be busy.

~X0~X0~X0~X0~

When the bell rang Amanda was a bit surprised that Olivia hadn't requested that she stay after, but she didn't say anything. Once she made her way into the hallway, Amanda was suddenly shoved into the wall. Her breath left her lungs in a hard cough, and when she managed to open her eys, she was greeted with Kim standing above her.

"Where the hell have you been? Mom's been worried," Kim whispered.

Amanda groaned and hoisted herself up, "Right, she's worried about me, try she's worried about me not being there to put down rent."

Kim went to shove Amanda again, but she ducked out of the way almost tripping in the process. Her arms were still slightly bruised and her abdomen still hurt, she didn't want to fight Kim. balancing herself out, Amanda prepared to swing on her sister, when a door opened. The closest door was 308. Fuck.

Kim hurriedly took off down the hall, yelling a quick "You'd better be there tonight." over her shoulder.

Amanda bent down and grabbed her bag, clutching her abdomen as a sharp spike of pain went threw her. Suddenly hands were on her, helping her up. "Amanda?"

Amanda nodded and gave Olivia a forced smile, "Tripped. See? Accident prone."

Olivia shook her head and gently took Amanda by the elbow, leading her back into the classroom. She sat Amanda on her desk, and for a moment Amanda was lost as to what was going on, then Olivia dropped to her knees. Amanda would've sworn her dirty dreams were about to come true if it weren't for the fact Olivia was trying to get a better look at her abdomen. "Let me see, Amanda," Liv murmured, while trying to pull her shirt up a bit.

Amanda kept pushing her shirt back down, and quickly stood from the desk. Bad idea. Olivia was still on her knees, so her face was almost direct level with Amanda's crotch. Amanda couldn't breathe. Olivia's whole person changed in that instant, her eyes darkened with some emotion that Amanda couldn't quite figure out. Olivia finally pushed herself up, and Amanda exhaled the breath she'd been holding.

Liv took her shoulders in her hands and rubbed her thumbs over Amanda's skin. "Please let me help. I can help, Amanda. Just let me help," Olivia begged.

Amanda couldn't let Olivia get involved. She had everything taken care of, there was no need to demonstrate to Olivia how weak she was. She could take this. She would do this by herself.

"I'm fine. But I do have to get home, maybe I'll bring you coffee tomorrow, eh?" Amanda chuckled and quickly made her exit, ignoring Olivia's pleas for her to stop.

~X0~X0~X0~X0~

The whole Subway ride to her mom's apartment was filled with nervousness. Amanda fiddled with anything within reach, she played with her fingers, she twirled her hair, she even plucked lint off her jeans.

When she finally arrived, she made her way upstairs. Now that she was almost free of this place it looked even worse to her, she noticed the number of roaches seemed to have multiplied, the walls appeared a deeper stain of yellow, the rug looked matted together with saliva, gum, and some sticky white substance that Amanda didn't even want to know about.

When she got to the door, she quickly knocked, and took a step back. A moment later the door was flung open and she was yanked inside. Yelping Amanda snatched her arm away from her mother.

"Where the fuck have you been? We've been worried bout ya," Amanda's mom ranted, pacing in front of her.

"I've been out," Amanda whispered.

Amanda's mom stopped and turned, advancing towards Amanda. "Out where, Manda? I've had to stay home the last few nights cause you weren't here to watch the house!" The woman suddenly stopped and placed her hands on her hips. "Oh, and I need your check for rent, now."

Amanda shrunk against the wall, "I found an apartment."

Amanda could almost see the steam coming from her mothers nose. "I thought we talked about this, Manda. You're not gettin no damn apartment."

Sighing, Amanda tried to inch her way along the wall, trying to get int a more open part of the apartment. "I've already leased it, Mom. The money, it's gone."

Her mother was fuming, almost foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog,"Stupid bitch, I needed that money!"

A second longer and then her mother was on her, punching Amanda in the face with all her strength. Amanda quickly rolled out from under the woman, and got to her feet."You wouldn't need the money if you stopped wasting it on gambles and vodka!"

She didn't want to have to come to blows with her own mother, but she couldn't just take it. This time when the woman leaped on her, Amanda was ready, she dodged out of the way and watched in horror as her mother landed on the coffee table.

Amanda made to leave the apartment when a bottle smashed into her arm, a piece of the glass cutting into her skin. "Fuck!" Amanda cursed, barley moving out of the way when her mother came back around with another bottle. Amanda tripped beside the door in her haste to get out, and by the time she got back up her mother was beside her, landing kicks to her abdomen over and over.

"This'll teach you. How dare you disrespect me?" Amanda's mother yelled as she kept kicking, her foot connecting swiftly to Amanda's ribs.

Amanda grunted in pain and did the only thing she could, she reached down and grabbed her mothers foot, tripping the woman, and then she socked her own mother right in the eye. Scrambling to her feet while the crazy bitch was down, Amanda yanked the door open, and got the fuck out of that building. She made it outside, and bent down to try and get some air into her lungs.

A bottle landed right beside her head. "Don't you fucking come back here, ya here me bitch?" Her mother was sticking the upper half of her body out the window, throwing bottles and cursing. "You're no daughter of mine, you fuckin disgrace." Amanda barley dodged the spit wad that came from her mothers mouth.

Amanda wrapped an arm around her stomach and limped down the street. Her arm was bleeding, it wasn't heavy but there was enough blood coming from the wound to know she had to get home and clean it out. Her torso was bruised, from her mothers kicks a few weeks prior and the blows she'd gotten tonight. She could taste blood in her mouth, so her lip had split, and she was pretty sure she'd have a nice bruise on her cheek in the morning.

Sighing Amanda took out her phone, tapping her phone book. Her finger hovered over Olivia's name before she shook her head, and stuck her phone back into her pocket. Wrapping her arms tighter around herself, Amanda limped into the night, heading for the subway.

**AN: Sooo? What'd you think? Please let me know!**


	6. Parachute

_Author's Note: Okay, so here's chapter 6. I'm like really enjoying writing this, so I'm updating really fast- please let me know if I'm updating TOO FAST. I don't want to overload my readers.  
_

_Thank you for your reviews, and I'll try to keep the chapters coming. _

_Here's a short one- cause gotta have some cliff hangers. :P_

_xoxoxoxo_

**_Chapter 6: Parachute._ **

* * *

_I don't need a parachute, baby, if I've got you Baby, if I've got you._

_ I don't need a parachute. _

_You're gonna catch me,_

_ You're gonna catch if I fall down, down, down._

_-Ingrid Michaelson/Cheryl Cole_

* * *

_**Amanda POV:**_

Amanda couldn't help but grunt as she hauled herself out of the subway train. She'd barley managed to stay conscious during the train ride, and the skin on her stomach felt like it was ripping apart every time she bent over. Once Amanda had gotten on the train she'd realized just how bad her injury's were. Her arm hadn't stopped bleeding and her shirt was damp with blood. Amanda had started to feel dizzy from blood loss.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, dropping her body to the subway floor, resting against a pillar. The subway was deserted this time of night, so she couldn't ask for anybody to help her up.

Amanda tried to bury her face in her hands as she realized she'd need to call someone, but the cut on her arm protested. She managed to dig her phone from her pocket and turn it on. Almost four AM. She couldn't call 911, they'd only ask questions and when they found out about her living on her own there would be a chance she'd get sent to foster care despite almost being legal. The only person she had to call was- Amanda gulped, Olivia Benson.

What if she woke Olivia up? What if Olivia couldn't come? What if Olivia actually did come?

Amanda didn't really have much of a choice, she needed help, and she somehow knew the older woman would come. With a sigh she clicked on Olivia's name on her phone and pressed call, holding the phone to her ear with her uninjured arm. The phone just kept ringing and ringing, Amanda was about to hang up.

_"Mmm, hello?"_ Olivia's voice was raspy and so fucking sexy when she'd just woken up.

"I woke you, I'm sorry," Amanda said, trying her best not to cry.

_"Amanda? Is that you?"_ Olivia suddenly sounded awake, and alert. She could hear fabric rustling in the background.

"Yeah, it's me," Amanda was starting to feel really hazy. She held the phone to the crook of her shoulder as she raised the hand that had been holding the phone to her shoulder, trying to put pressure on the cut. She hissed and nearly dropped the phone.

Amanda bit her lip, trying to fight off tears. "I had another accident. I uh- I need some help, Olivia."

_"Where are you, Amanda? I will be right there, you just gotta tell me where you are, baby,"_ Olivia sounded slightly panicked. Amanda still thought her voice was hot.

Amanda tried to ignore the pet name, now was not the time to dwell on that.

"I'm in the Subway, I don't know. I'll try and make it out to the street so I can give you a name," Amanda said.

She ignored Olivia's protests as she grabbed the sides of the pillars and attempted to hoist herself from the floor, nearly screaming in pain as her body protested, but she kept going sliding her body up the pillar until she was on her feet. Amanda was nearly sobbing by the time she made it to the subway stairs. She heard Olivia in her ear just telling her to sit back down, that she'd find her.

Amanda grinned to herself through her tears, "I'm almost there, just ugh, give me a sec."

She heard Olivia's voice, but she couldn't make out the words. She was so concentrated on lifting her legs, taking one step at a time. It was only about 20 steps but by the time Amanda got to the top, she was ready to throw herself a party.

"I did it, Olivia!" Amanda breathed into the phone.

When Olivia responded, Amanda's heart broke. "_Where are you, darling? Give me something, please,_" Olivia sounded ready to breakdown.

Amanda stumbled her way to the closest street-sign and read it to Olivia.

"_Good, Amanda, good. I'm on my way. Don't move, I'll be there in a minute, okay? I'm on my way,_" Olivia said, she could hear a car starting from Olivia's end.

Amanda simply nodded, forgetting Olivia couldn't see her, before ending the call and tucking her phone into her pocket.

Amanda tried to hold on, she really did, but within a minute of ending the call her eyes began to droop. Amanda smiled as her world blacked, her head sagging onto the cool surface of the metal pole of the street sign.

Her last thought: Olivia was coming for her.

_**~!~X0~!~X0~!~X0~!~X0~!~**_

Amanda was startled awake as she heard a car coming down the street, usually this part of town was deserted. The car that was coming was a black vintage mustang, and it was speeding. Amanda was nearly asleep again when the car made a quick stop in front of her, tires almost screeching. Amanda heard the car door, and she huddled closer to the pole.

Then she saw her, Olivia was illuminated beautifully by the car's headlights and Amanda's mouth suddenly got ten times drier. Olivia's face was void of makeup, she was wearing a pair of tight blue jeans and a white shirt with a leather jacket thrown over it, on her feet were a pair of converse style sneakers. Amanda thought Olivia was hot when she was at school, seeing her so casual was like a very dirty dream come true.

Sadly she only had a moment to study Olivia, because as soon as she was spotted, the older woman was on her.

Olivia crouched down next to Amanda and softly took her bruised face in her hand. "_Amanda, my god, what happened_?"

And then Olivia noticed the blood, the blood had now completely soaked Amanda's shirt.

Olivia's eyes widened and she placed her hands under Amanda's armpits, trying to hoist her up. Amanda groaned in pain as her ribs protested the sudden movement, but she wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck, and allowed herself to be lifted off the hard concrete of the sidewalk. Olivia was whispering soothing words into her ear, but Amanda couldn't focus. The older woman's body was pressed so tightly against hers, it made Amanda insane. Olivia smelled so good, and she had to fight her urge to bury her face in the woman's hair. Amanda felt Olivia's arms wrap around her waist softly, trying not to put any pressure on Amanda's abdomen. Olivia's hands rubbed her lower back as she walked backwards, almost dragging Amanda to her car. One of Olivia's arms unwound from around her, and a moment later she heard the car door open.

"I'll get blood in your car, Livvy," Amanda mumbled sleepily. Olivia didn't answer, only unwound her other arm from Amanda's waist, instead putting both arms on Amanda's hips. Amanda clung tightly to Olivia's neck as the older woman helped her lower into the passenger seat, once Amanda was seated, Olivia unwrapped Amanda's arms from her neck and buckled her seat belt for her. Her door slammed shut, and she saw Olivia jogging around to the drivers side, hurriedly slipping into the car.

Amanda mumbled her address to Olivia, and Olivia looked at her like she was crazy.

_"I'm not taking you back to whoever did this to you, Amanda,_" Olivia said threw clenched teeth.

Amanda shook her head, Olivia needed to understand. "No, I have an apartment, Olivia."

Olivia's knuckles turned white from her grip on the steering wheel,_ "I understand, Amanda. I won't take you back. You're going to the hospital."_

Amanda panicked, "No! No! Olivia, please..please.. no hospital. Please. You don't understand, please."

With that Amanda finally lost the battle with the darkness, her eyes rolling back into her head as her head slumped against Olivia's shoulder.

_**~!~X0~!~X0~!~X0~!~X0~!~**_

_**Dun dun dah! I just wanted to give you guys a taste of what's to come. I hope you enjoyed that short little teasing snippet. :P**_


	7. Take Care

**_ Authors Note: Little awkward story for you guys, feel free to skip this. So the reason it took me so long, was because after chapter 6 I seriously had no idea how I was going to write this chapter, I listened to every song on my playlist, I watched SVU's 13th and 14th seasons twice in a row, and I even danced around my house to Celine Dion, reenacting scenes from Titanic ("I'll never let go, Jack."). Writers block sucks. Anyway so, the reason I posted this was to thank my roommate. I was talking to myself- trying to plan this chapter- when she walked in and told me to "Take Care" of my issues, that got me thinking about the song 'Take Care' and boom. Inspiration!_**

**_-Moral of story: Don't write fan-fiction, because when you write fan-fiction, you get writers block. When you get writers block, you get loopy, and when you get loopy you dance around your house in a red wig singing Celine Dion. Don't dance around your house in a red wig singing Celine Dion. (See what I did there?)  
_**

**_Here's chapter 7._**

* * *

Chapter 7: _Take Care  
_

* * *

_I know you've been hurt by someone else.  
_

_I can tell by the way you carry yourself. _

_If you let me, here's what I'll do, _

_I'll take care of you._

_-Leon Thomas & Ariana Grande_

* * *

**Amanda POV:**

Amanda's eyes fluttered open at the feeling of someone softly shaking her, groaning Amanda rubbed the sleep from her eyes and took in her surroundings. She was still in Olivia's car, but instead of being in the driver's seat- the other woman was outside the car, the passenger door was open, and Olivia was crouched next to her.

"Where are we?" Amanda said, her voice still hoarse from sleep.

Olivia didn't answer, only leaned in and unbuckled Amanda's seat belt. Amanda grabbed her hand and asked again, "Olivia, where are we?"

Olivia stopped her movements and looked at the her, "My driveway. Can you put your arms around me, so I can lift you?"

Amanda nodded and complied, wrapping her arms around Olivia's neck, as Olivia placed her hands under Amanda's armpits and helped Amanda out of the car. Olivia closed the car door. Amanda removed an arm from Olivia's neck, and instead placed it over Olivia's shoulder- using the older woman as a crutch as she limped up the driveway. Olivia was being patient, walking slowly, letting Amanda use her for support. When they got to her front door- she kept one arm around Amanda's waist and used her free hand to unlock the door.

Once they were inside the house, Amanda's eyes nearly popped out of her head as she took in the older woman's place. Amanda was extremely impressed with the decor of Olivia's house. The architecture of the place was beautiful, and it was gorgeously decorated. Amanda couldn't help but feel embarrassed. Everything looked modern and sleek, yet homey and comfortable. The place was a little formal, no photographs on the walls- a few paintings, but it wasn't so formal that Amanda was afraid to touch something.

So far Amanda could only see the living room, it was done in shades of brown. Amanda felt even sillier for harboring a crush for her teacher now. Olivia was a woman, a classy, independent, successful woman who had an immaculate home. Why would she ever want Amanda? What could she offer? She had a job at a coffee shop- scraped by on tips, owned a studio apartment, and she was damaged goods. Olivia probably only saw her as a screw up teenager who needed help.

Olivia directed Amanda down the hall, supporting most of Amanda's weight as she navigated them into a room at the very end. Amanda jolted to a stop as soon as she saw what was in the room. She was in Olivia Benson's bedroom. It was beautiful and expertly decorated- just like the other parts of the house she'd seen. The bedroom made Amanda feel just like it's owner did, turned on. Her eyes finally took in the large bed and her eyes fluttered closed. She could imagine herself in that bed with Olivia. She could imagine what Olivia would look like on top of her, what she'd look like underneath her.

"Amanda? You with me?"

Olivia's voice jerked her out of her imaginings and she nodded. Olivia gestured in the direction of a closed door on the other side of the room and Amanda allowed the older woman to take her to what she assumed was the master bathroom. Olivia opened the door, and quickly ushered Amanda inside. Amanda shook her head as she took in the bathroom, what part of this house wasn't perfect? The bathtub was huge and had jets lining the sides. Olivia basically had a hot tub for two in her bathroom.

Amanda gingerly sat down on the edge of the tub, trying not to bend down too much. She watched as Olivia opened cabinet after cabinet, hurriedly pulling out supplies.

"Olivia." Amanda spoke softly.

The other woman looked up at her from where she was crouched on the floor, and her hands stopped rummaging through the cabinet's as she waited for Amanda to speak.

"It's okay. You can slow down," Amanda smiled reassuringly. "I'll be alright."

Olivia ignored her and continued searching for items just as fast- if not faster than before. Finally Olivia collected the things she needed and made her way to Amanda. Amanda watched with interest as Olivia set the items down on the floor beside her. Then Amanda's mouth went dry, because Olivia pulled her legs apart and situated herself between them. Amanda felt like she was gonna die. Death by Olivia Benson didn't seem so bad.

"Can you take your shirt off for me, Manda?" Olivia said in a rush. Amanda really didn't wanna remove her shirt in front of Olivia. She knew the bruises she had weren't the most attractive and she was honestly ashamed. She didn't want Olivia to see her any weaker, she didn't want Olivia to know she'd allowed herself to be put in this position. She shook her head and looked down.

"Could you uh- maybe just leave the stuff and I'll take care of it?" Amanda mumbled, "I mean I appreciate you helping me, and I'll pay for whatever I use, but uh- I'm not the prettiest sight right now," Amanda's tears were threatening to fall, and she had to bite her lip to stop them. For a moment Amanda thought Olivia was going to leave and then she felt a finger under her chin.

"Amanda, you think I care about those things?" Olivia forced her to keep eye contact, "Just let me take care of you, Amanda. Please."

"I uh- my arm- I can't take my shirt off," Amanda bushed. "Could you uh maybe.." she trailed off.

Olivia just nodded, and moved her hands to the hem of Amanda's shirt, keeping eye contact as she raised the shirt inch by inch, helping Amanda pull her arm's out of the sleeves before throwing it on the bathroom floor. When Olivia finally did see Amanda's stomach she let out a startled gasp and Amanda closed her eyes.

"My God, Amanda."

When she felt Olivia's fingers ghosting over her abdomen she flinched. Olivia's fingers immediately went away.

"Can you turn a bit, Amanda?" Olivia asked. "I need to get to your arm."

Amanda nodded and turned her body sideways, wincing in pain.

Olivia reached down and started the water in the tub, placing a washcloth under the flow before turning the water back off and placing the cloth to Amanda's arm. Amanda hissed as she felt the pressure on her arm.

Olivia smiled sympathetically, and placed her hand in Amanda's. "Squeeze my hand when it hurts, okay? I'm so sorry, sweetie. I'll try to be soft."

Amanda nodded and Olivia continued washing the wound with warm water. Finally she put the rag down and reached down with her free hand to get the alcohol rub. "Amanda, this is going to burn. Just squeeze my hand, baby." Amanda nodded and closed her eyes. When the liquid first touched her arm she didn't feel anything. Then the burning started. Amanda nearly screamed from the pain, her hand clamped down on Olivia's and she squeezed hard. Olivia didn't protest, she just rubbed her thumb over Amanda's knuckles until Amanda's grip started to loosen.

"You can keep going," Amanda said through clenched teeth.

Olivia nodded, and took her hand from Amanda's, grabbing the gauze from the floor, she gently wrapped Amanda's arm tightly, and then taped the gauze down.

"Your arm isn't too bad, the cut wasn't very deep- you won't need stitches. Your ribs aren't broken just bruised, I'll get you an icepack for that," Olivia said.

The older woman made to stand up but Amanda stopped her with a hand to the shoulder. "Thank you, Olivia."

Olivia smiled, "Can I help you up?"

Amanda only nodded and blushed when she realized she was in front of Olivia in only her bra. She grabbed onto Olivia's forearms and hoisted herself up, leaning into Olivia's body as she balanced herself. Olivia was really tense and Amanda just chalked it up to the fact that she was tired of helping Amanda.

"I'll uh- I'll get you a clean shirt." Olivia murmured, seemingly trying to keep her eyes away from Amanda's body.

Olivia left her standing in the bathroom all alone. Why had the older woman acted so flustered, yeah she was in her bra- and she had bruises but Amanda didn't think it was really that big of a deal. Olivia had probably seen tons of bodies, so why was hers so repulsive that Olivia couldn't even look?

When Olivia got back, she held the shirt out and stretched the shirts neck for Amanda, helping her slip it over her head- and then helping Amanda place her arms through the holes. Amanda nodded her thanks and stood there awkwardly. "Well uh, thank you for helping me. I'll uh- I'll see you at school tomorrow?" Amanda murmured.

Olivia looked at her in disbelief. "You think I'm gonna let you go home when every time I let you leave my sight you end up with more bruises?" Olivia shook her head. "Amanda, the only reason you aren't in a hospital bed right now is because you begged me not to take you."

"Yeah, and I have a good reason, Olivia. It's- it's a long story." Amanda stammered, averting her eyes.

She was still upset about Olivia not being able to look at her, and she really just wanted to get away from the older woman. She'd embarrassed herself. What had she been thinking when she called Olivia?

"Olivia, I'm really sorry I called. I woke you up this early, I'm so embarrassed," Amanda blushed. "Could I just pay to replace your first aid kit and we'll forget about this?"

"Amanda, honey, don't be embarrassed. I told you to call me, I'm so glad you did. I wanted to help you, Amanda."

Amanda took a step back, still not being able to look in Olivia's direction. "It's obvious I'm making you..uncomfortable, Olivia. You couldn't even look at me- please just uh- let me get my shirt and go."

Amanda gasped in surprise as Olivia took a step closer to her, and tilted her chin up once more. "You didn't make me uncomfortable, Amanda. I promise you that."

Amanda only nodded. She couldn't handle Olivia this close to her right now, she was extremely vulnerable and tired, she didn't want to do something stupid.

They stood there staring at each other for a moment more and then Olivia sighed putting a hand on the small of Amanda's back, ushering her out of the bathroom, and leading her to the bed. Amanda watched with wide eyes as Olivia pulled back the sheets and looked at Amanda expectantly.

"Uh- do you want me to help you make your bed?" Amanda asked stupidly.

Olivia chuckled, and put her hands on Amanda's shoulders. "No, I want you to get in the bed. Tonight, you'll stay here, and tomorrow you're going to tell me this story."

Amanda nodded and slowly climbed in Olivia's bed. She felt extremely awkward as she settled in with Olivia watching her. Olivia suddenly cleared her throat, "I'm gonna go get an icepack for your ribs and some aspirin. You're gonna really feel those bruises in the morning." Olivia smiled softly, "I'll be right back."

Olivia left the room and Amanda sighed, leaning her head back against a fluffy pillow. She felt like she was surrounded by Olivia, the pillows- the sheets- they all smelled like the older woman and Amanda couldn't get enough. Olivia's scent was intoxicating. If she was being honest the only reason she got threw tonight without breaking down was because of the comfort Olivia made her feel just by being next to her. She really had wanted to ask Olivia to climb into bed with her, but that would've been more embarrassing than having Olivia picking her half conscious body up from the street corner. She buried her face into Olivia's pillow and breathed deeply, letting her eyes close as she surrounded herself with Olivia.

When she heard Olivia making her way back down the hall, she reluctantly released the pillow and propped herself up. Olivia came back with an ice pack in one hand and a bottle of water and aspirin in the other. Olivia sat herself on the edge of the bed and popped open the bottle, handing a pill to Amanda before screwing the cap back on and handing the water to Amanda as well. Amanda knocked the pill back and quickly gulped some water to follow it.

"Lay back, Amanda." Olivia murmured. Olivia's eyes were darker than normal, and her voice sounded huskier. Amanda followed Olivia's instructions and scooted back on the bed. The way Olivia was looking at her was confusing. Emotions were pouring out of the older woman's eyes, and it drove Amanda crazy that she couldn't identify them. If she didn't know better- she would've sworn Olivia was..turned on? No, she couldn't be. Amanda shook her head, she was being silly.

Amanda winced when she felt an icepack land softly on her stomach but she made no move to remove it. She simply closed her eyes and allowed herself to start to drift off. Just as sleep pulled her under she felt fingers stroking through her hair and lips on her forehead.

"I'm so glad you let me help you, Amanda."

Amanda only nodded and cuddled further into the pillows that smelled so much like the woman she was coming to love.


	8. Spell on you

**AN: Alright! I hadn't planned on doing Olivia's POV but...I love you guys so..I decided to give you a lil somethin somethin. If you want to read more from Olivia's perspective just let me know, and I'll certainly do my best to accommodate everyone.**

**The first part is written in Olivia's pov and then the second will be Amanda's. Don't worry- I'll let you know when they switch.**

**Oh and leave a review telling me if you'd like all future chapters to be like this, both women's POV's making up a chapter or should I keep going with only Amanda's POV?**

_Chapter 8: I'll put a spell on you._

* * *

_I've been watching your world from afar,_  
_ I've been trying to be where you are,_  
_ And I've been secretly falling apart, unseen._  
_ To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,_  
_ You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,_  
_ You turn every head but you don't see me._

* * *

_**Olivia's POV:**_

Olivia sighed as she sat there lightly playing with Amanda's hair, loving the silky feel of the smooth strands. Olivia knew she should get up, but she couldn't bring herself to move from Amanda's side. This whole situation was unprofessional, she had a student in her home- sleeping in her bed, but if Olivia was being truthful Amanda wasn't just another student. She had been trying to figure out why she felt such a pull to the younger woman for quite some time now.

Amanda made her feel things she'd never experienced before. She'd never trusted somebody so completely, so quickly and she'd certainly never wanted to help anybody in the way Olivia wanted to help Amanda. When she'd gotten Amanda's midnight call she'd been panicked, she only knew that she had to get to the girl- she hadn't stopped to think about her actions or her words. When she'd finally gotten to that street corner, she'd hopped out of the car telling herself that everything was gonna be okay, that Amanda was going to be okay. But when she'd seen Amanda, her body slumped on the street sign, blood soaking her shirt- Olivia had lost it for a moment.

Her brain had shut down, and all she could think about was Amanda's safety. She'd helped Amanda into the car, and she'd had every intention of taking the younger woman to the hospital. But when Amanda had begged, Olivia found that she couldn't go against that, she didn't want to. She wanted Amanda to trust her, so without further thinking she'd turned around and headed home. She had a first aid kit, she only hoped Amanda's injury's weren't too bad. Olivia knew basic medical training, but that didn't mean she was ready to give Amanda stitches on her bathroom floor.

When she'd gotten Amanda in the house and into the bathroom, she'd asked Amanda to remove her shirt. Olivia had thought she could control herself, the woman was hurt for god sakes. But she had been wrong, after she'd treated Amanda's arm her eyes had started to wander. Olivia knew she had to get Amanda into a shirt and fast, she had been quickly loosing all her self control and when she'd helped Amanda up it certainly didn't help when the younger woman had leaned in to her. Olivia was ready to drag the girl into the bedroom, throw her down, and love her so thoroughly that the bruises wouldn't be the only reason Amanda couldn't walk in the morning. And that's how Olivia knew she was in trouble.

Of course she'd been sexually attracted to Amanda from the moment she'd met her, but Olivia could handle attraction. What she was shocked to discover was that she'd started to develop strong feelings for Amanda to go with that attraction, and that was a lethal combination because Olivia couldn't control herself. Of course she knew it was wrong, she was a woman in her thirty's and Amanda was about to turn eighteen. Olivia felt sickened with herself. Amanda needed her help, and she'd been lusting about pinning her to the bathroom floor. Olivia needed to help Amanda, she couldn't keep herself away or she'd go crazy, but she vowed to herself as she watched Amanda sleep, that she'd never take advantage of her.

Not like Amanda would want an old woman like you anyway, Olivia snorted to herself. Then her eyes softened as she watched Amanda sleep, Olivia knew she was already contradicting the promise she'd just made so after one more moment Olivia slowly scooted off the bed, switching off the bedside lamp, and started to make her way out of the room. With one last glance at the sleeping girl in her bed, she smiled to herself and softly closed her bedroom door.

Olivia padded to the living room, picking up her phone on the way to the couch. It was almost 6 AM and Olivia was expected to be at work in a few hours, but she couldn't just leave Amanda here, and there was no way in hell Amanda would be able to attend school. Olivia had quite a few sick days saved up, so she'd called in sick without hesitation. Amanda needed her. Scooting back on the couch, she flipped the T.V on and put her feet up, now that the adrenaline had worn off Olivia's exhaustion was starting to kick in. She'd tried to keep her eyes open as she watched the news, but her attempts were met with failure, and she was fast asleep before the anchor had finished his report.

**~X0~X0~X0~X0~**

**Amanda's POV:**

Amanda Rollins was in heaven, she was in an insanely soft bed and she was surrounded by the best scent she'd ever come across, but she couldn't put her finger on where it came from. Her still foggy mind was reveling in the smell, it was all around her. It smelled slightly earthy, like flowers, like that breeze that ran threw your hair as you rolled your window down in the car, but it also made Amanda feel at home, it held a hint of spice- an amazing contrast. Amanda wanted to loose herself in the smell, it made her whole body feel tingly.

She sighed and then she groaned, she'd rolled around too much and had fallen of the edge. Her stomach clenched in pain and she gritted her teeth. That woke her up. When Amanda finally managed to stand, she was confused for a moment about where she was, and then she remembered. Olivia coming to get her, Olivia helping her, Olivia seeing her body. Amanda gulped, she'd just been rolling around in Olivia's bed- smelling the scent the older woman had left behind. That was truly pathetic and a little creepy.

Slowly she made her way to the bathroom door. When she was done, she washed her hands and made her way back into the bedroom. What now? Did she go out of the room? Would Olivia be okay with that? Was Olivia even here? There was school today and Olivia was a teacher. Her teacher. Amanda sighed, the one woman she desperately needed was out of her reach.

Amanda decided to leave the bedroom, she was hungry. If the older woman wasn't home, she'd just leave and catch the subway. Amanda really didn't anticipate that Olivia would be there, why would she cancel work? She assumed Olivia had just left her with the unspoken message to let herself out. So Amanda walked to the door and slowly pulled it open, stepping out and padding down the hallway. Olivia's house was even more beautiful in the daylight, the morning sun streaming through the windows illuminating the whole house. It also illuminated the sleeping figure of Olivia Benson.

Amanda's heart clenched in her chest as she took in the older woman. Olivia was on the couch, still in her clothes from last night, her hair was slightly mused, and her mouth was cracked open. It was the most adorable sight Amanda had ever seen. Had Olivia overslept? What if she was late to work because she hadn't woken up. Amanda reluctantly stepped forward, kneeling next to the couch. She raised a hand and softly shook Olivia.

"Olivia, Olivia." Amanda whispered, still softly shaking the woman.

Olivia didn't wake, only let out a soft moan. Amanda stopped shaking her, and leaned in close to the woman, whispering in her ear. "Olivia, it's time to wake up."

Olivia's eyes suddenly popped open, and she jolted up. Amanda's head was directly next to hers, so Olivia's lips ended up brushing the corner of Amanda's mouth.

"Sorry. I uh- I just didn't know if you had work..I thought you'd overslept," Amanda stammered nervously, backing away from the couch. She was trying not to think about how close Olivia's lips had been to hers, how soft they had felt for the brief moment that they were on her skin.

"Yeah, I called in sick," Olivia said, sitting up with a groan.

"I uh- thank you. For last night I mean," Amanda blushed.

Olivia's eyes connected with hers and she offered Amanda a smile, "You still owe me a story. How bout I make us some pancakes and you tell me the whole thing over breakfast?"

Amanda just nodded watching as Olivia got up, and made her way to the kitchen.

**~X0~X0~X0~**

Amanda slowly sipped her orange juice as she looked anywhere but across the table. Olivia had made pancakes and orange juice, and now they were sitting across from each other. They were outside in Olivia's backyard, on Olivia's deck, and Amanda couldn't help but think that she could get used to this.

"So," Olivia said, breaking the silence. "Are you ready?"

Amanda nodded and began, "Well I came up here from Atlanta, my father he uh- he had some issues. Drinking problems," Olivia just nodded and motioned for Amanda to continue. "When I got here, I lived with my mom and Kim- my sister. We'd never had a perfect relationship, but I hadn't expected.." Amanda trailed off. "Anyway, so the apartment my mom rents, is extremely small. It was meant for one person, and there were three of us. So the first bruises you saw, those were from me asking if I could move out."

"Amanda, what happened last night?" Olivia asked softly.

"I found my own apartment, I uh- you remember that job I told you about? The coffee shop?" Olivia just nodded. "Well, I'm making alright money there and I could afford a cheap place, so I got one against my mother's objections. She wanted me to help with uh- rent. My mother's unemployed so I was the only income besides welfare. Anyway, last night I told her about the place and she got a little..upset."

Amanda looked down, not wanting to see the older woman's reaction. She nearly gasped when she felt a warm hand on top of hers. "Amanda, this was not your fault. Your mother beat you, and you did what you had to do. We do need to call Child services, but I can help you with that."

"No!" Amanda gasped out. "Please, Olivia. I just got my own place, if they're called I'll get put in foster care, I'm almost 18 anyway. I can take care of myself."

Olivia only nodded, and removed her hand.

Amanda blushed and took a bite of her breakfast. "I should be leaving soon."

"You're still hurt, Amanda. I'm surprised you don't feel it."

Amanda smiled cheekily, "Well, you have the magic touch."

Olivia laughed, and playfully punched her arm.

When they were finished eating, Amanda stood up to take the plates inside when she tripped over her own feet. Her hands grasped at air as she began to fall, but then she felt strong arms around her. She was pulled tight into Olivia's soft warm body. For a moment neither of them moved, and then Olivia released her.

"You can have a shower, I'll get you some clothes and then I'll drive you home." Olivia said, stepping back.

Amanda didn't want a shower- she wanted Olivia. But she couldn't say that so she walked back inside, heading for the bathroom.


	9. Bleeding Out

AN: I'm so sorry it took so long, but I'm back and ready to supply! Ugh, I love you all!

Seriously, thank you for supporting me!

Sorry for such a short chapter, next chapter will be longer..and PREPARE. Next chapter might contain some...hint hint...lovely action parts.

_**Chapter 9: Bleeding Out.  
**_

* * *

_I'm bleeding out_  
_ So if the last thing that I do_  
_ Is bring you down_  
_ I'll bleed out for you_  
_ So I bare my skin_  
_ And I count my sins_  
_ And I close my eyes_  
_ And I take it in_  
_ I'm bleeding out_  
_ I'm bleeding out for you, for you._

_-Imagine Dragons_

* * *

Amanda's POV:

Amanda adjusted her headphones and entered Olivia's classroom. She'd purposefully shown up late, not wanting to be alone with the older woman. Now there was only ten minutes left of class. Turning up her music, she scanned the classroom. Her usual seat was taken, and so were the rest of the seats towards the back. There was only one seat left, and it was directly in front of Olivia's desk. That's when she noticed that Olivia was already at her desk, writing something. The older woman hadn't noticed Amanda, so she quickly strode over to the available seat and sat down.

Olivia looked up just as Amanda was pulling her notebook out. Olivia offered her a smile, but Amanda turned away. She could feel the older woman's eyes boring into the side of her head, but she just continued looking out the window.

After Olivia had taken her home, Amanda had realized some things. The first being that she was in love with Olivia Benson. The second was that Olivia was her teacher, and out of her league. Amanda had quickly come to the conclusion that she needed to distance herself from Olivia, it would be better for everyone. This way Olivia wouldn't have to deal with having Amanda's problems thrust on her, and Amanda wouldn't be constantly tortured. It was torture to be so close to Olivia, and not be able to touch her.

Suddenly she was surrounded by Olivia's distinct scent. Amanda looked up. Olivia was standing right beside her, looking down at her with concern. Olivia took Amanda's earphones out, and leaned down.

"Amanda? There's only five minutes left of class, why are you late?" Olivia asked.

She just turned her head away from the older woman, and looked down. "I had something to do," she shrugged.

"Do you wanna tell me what was so important you missed my whole class?" Olivia asked, trying to capture Amanda's eyes.

"No thank you, Ms. Benson," Amanda whispered, moving to put her earphones back in. She knew she was being disrespectful, but she couldn't handle Olivia's proximity.

Olivia's hand came down over hers, keeping her from listening to her music. "Hand me the ipod, Amanda," Olivia commanded, sighing. Amanda thought about resisting, but she thought better of it. Turning it off, she handed the device to Olivia.

"See me after class, Amanda," Olivia said, Amanda couldn't read her tone.

She just nodded and kept her head down, packing her stuff up. She'd wandered the halls for most of the period, only coming in before the dismissal bell. If she was going to cut off contact with Olivia, seeing her wasn't going to help.

The bell rang and all the other students moved to leave, Amanda tried to leave too. She didn't need her ipod that bad. An arm wrapped around her waist before she had even made it half way to the door, and she was pulled into a warm body. Amanda had to bite back her groan. Olivia's body felt amazing pressed against hers, and she had to fight the urge to rub herself against the older woman.

When the door slammed closed, as the last student exited, Olivia let her go. Today Olivia was wearing a blue silky blouse, paired with tight black slacks. Amanda was wearing sweatpants and a long sleeve baseball shirt. She felt humiliated.

"Amanda, what's going on?" Olivia asked, her tone soft.

"Nothing, Ms. Benson," Amanda answered coldly, trying to back up and put distance between them. Olivia just kept stepping forward. When her back hit the wall, she jumped lightly. Olivia got even closer.

"Why were you late?" Olivia asked, getting into Amanda's personal space. Amanda swallowed. She could smell that perfume that she loved so much, and it was affecting her. She squirmed and clenched her thighs. She needed to leave, now.

"I actually have to go, or I'll be late for work," Amanda tried, moving to slip past Olivia.

Olivia wasn't having it tho, and she softly pushed Amanda back against the wall. "You're not going anywhere, until you talk to me," Olivia said.

Amanda clenched her hands into fists. Her whole body was heated from Olivia's proximity. God, she wanted Olivia Benson. Her core was throbbing with need for the woman in front of her.

"I just, I had something to do, Ms. Benson," Amanda said, her voice cracking.

"No. You don't get to do this, Amanda," Olivia sighed. "I understand that you might be embarrassed, but you have nothing to be embarrassed about."

"I shouldn't have called you last night, I'm sorry. Can I go now?" Amanda asked, trying not to look at Olivia.

"No. Sit down and I'm going to go over everything you missed while you were doing something else," Olivia said, crossing her arms.

Amanda sighed and looked at Olivia, "I can't. I have work, and you know I need the money, Ms. Benson."

"It's Olivia," the other woman pointed out.

"I know," Amanda said. "I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow, Ms. Benson."

Olivia reached out and stopped her. "You'll see me tonight," Olivia said. "I'll give you a choice. You either sit down right now and I'll help you or we can do it tonight at your house," Olivia finished.

Amanda's heart stopped. Olivia wanted to come over. She wanted to see Amanda's place. Amanda's face flushed bright red at the thought. She didn't want Olivia seeing her house. God, it was a dump compared to Olivia's place. What would the older woman think?

"I can't. My house is a mess right now," Amanda said, ducking her head. "Haven't got everything set up yet," she lied.

Olivia stepped closer, "That's alright. I could help you."

"Uh no, that's alright," Amanda nodded. "Thanks for the offer, but I'm sure I can afford to miss a lesson."

"Amanda, I'm not asking. It's either that or you stay with me now," Olivia said, tilting her head.

"Fine. I get off work in two hours," Amanda sighed.

"It's a date," Olivia smiled.


	10. Give Me Love

Authors Note: Hey! I didn't want to keep you guys waiting so here you go! xoxo.

Authors Note: I think we all know what's gonna happen next chapter...come on now.

Chapter 10: Give Me Love.

* * *

_Give a little time to me or burn this out,  
We'll play hide and seek to turn this around,  
All I want is the taste that your lips allow,  
My, my, my, my, oh give me love,_

_-Ed Sheeran_

* * *

Amanda's POV:

She fixed the pillows on her couch for the fourth time. Olivia would be here any minute, and Amanda was going out of her mind. She really didn't want Olivia to have to see her place, but she didn't have much of a choice. Amanda was proud of this place, she really was, it was just that Olivia had so much more. It was just another reminder that Olivia could do so much better, and Amanda should just give up now.

Amanda fixed her jeans and sat down at the kitchen counter. Her palms were sweating like crazy. She was so nervous she was shaking. There was a knock on the front door, and Amanda nearly fell over when she climbed down from her stool to get the door. Looking out of the peephole she saw Olivia standing there. Oh god.

With a breath, Amanda opened the door. Olivia was still in her clothes from school.

"Hey," Amanda said, rubbing her hands over her jeans.

"Hey," Olivia repeated, smiling softly.

Amanda just stood there staring. Olivia looked at her expectantly. "Oh! Do you uh- wanna come in?" Amanda asked, looking at the floor. She stepped back and allowed Olivia to enter. She didn't even want to see the older woman's face as she took in Amanda's apartment.

"You did all this yourself?" Olivia asked, her tone soft.

Amanda looked up. Olivia didn't look disgusted, she looked..happy. "Yeah, well, I had some help from a friend with the furniture."

Olivia turned towards her, "It's very nice." Amanda smiled and wrapped an arm around herself. Olivia frowned. "How are your ribs?"

Amanda blushed and looked down, "Fine."

The older woman nodded. "So, you wanted to teach me some things?" Amanda chuckled, gesturing to the couch. Olivia followed her over, and sat down right next to her. Her body was on fire with Olivia so close. The older woman was only a few inches away, but Amanda wanted her so much closer. She wanted Olivia's arms around her, she wanted to run her fingers up Olivia's thigh, wanted to cuddle into her. But none of that would ever happen.

Olivia looked in her purse and pulled out a single piece of paper. "We have a field trip that we're taking, it's to this play," Olivia pointed to it.

Amanda nodded and looked at the paper, leaning next to Olivia. "Oh, would you like anything to drink?" Amanda quickly asked, rushing up. She'd forgotten to offer earlier. It was extremely hard for her to think with Olivia in her house.

Olivia just smiled, "Yes, water's good."

Amanda got a glass out and was working on filling it with ice when she felt somebody behind her. She turned around only to find Olivia had moved from the couch, and was now watching her intently. "Your water," Amanda murmured, handing the glass to Olivia.

Her fingers brushed over Olivia's and Amanda had to refrain from jumping. Their contact was electric. Amanda's phone rang. She smiled politely at Olivia, and answered it.

"Hello?"

"_Manda_?" It was Kim. Oh not now.

"Yeah?" Amanda answered cautiously, trying to keep her eyes off Olivia. "What is it?"

"_Amanda, momma kicked me out. I need a place_," Kim said, her voice breaking.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Amanda winced as she listened to Kim. "Damn it, Kim." She laid her head on the counter and tried to calm her breathing. "Are you kidding?"

"_I wish I was, Manda_," Kim said, her tone sad.

"Why'd she kick you out, Kim?" Amanda asked, her head still against the counter.

"S_aid I would end up being a disappointment just like you. You just had to come and ruin New York for me didn't you, Amanda._" Kim sneered into her ear.

She almost jumped when she felt a hand on her back. Moving her head back up, she looked at Olivia. The older woman was next to her, a concerned look on her face.

"_You're a bitch. You do owe me_," Kim continued.

Amanda sighed as Olivia kept rubbing her back in soothing motions. "I'm sorry you got kicked out, Kim. I really am," Amanda said.

"_You're not going to let me stay with you? Are you fucking kidding me?_" Kim asked, her voice angry.

"No, Kim! Are you serious? You treated me like crap, disowned me. Now that you need something from me, I'm your sister again?" Amanda's voice started to raise.

"_It's not like that, Manda_," Kim said. "_Just let me come over and we can talk about it._"

Amanda looked at Olivia. The older woman was wearing a questioning look and obviously was fighting to stay silent. "Kim, I'm busy. I'll talk to you later."

"_Don't hang up on me, Bitch!_" Kim yelled, almost sobbing into the phone.

"Look, Kim. You have friends here. Friends you like more than me. Go stay with one of them," Amanda said calmly. Then she hung up the phone.

"Sorry about that," she smiled at Olivia. "Family problems."

"Can I help?" Olivia whispered, her hand still on Amanda's back.

Amanda looked up at Olivia, a smile on her lips. "You've helped me enough. I couldn't ask any more of you, Olivia."

Suddenly she was encased in strong arms. Olivia was hugging her. It felt so good. Amanda's hands unconsciously wrapped around Olivia's hips and she pulled Olivia closer. Laying her head on Olivia's shoulder, Amanda tried to push the tears back. A few drops of wetness ended up on Olivia's skin, but the older woman just held her tighter.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's alright," Olivia soothed. She could feel Olivia's hands running up and down her back, caressing her. Olivia's touch was always so soft, so perfect.

Amanda's hands were trying to fight her brain. They wanted to grab Olivia's body, wanted to explore, but Amanda willed them still. Amanda's phone rang again, and she raised her head from Olivia's neck, moving to answer it. Olivia's hand came up, and softly pushed her head back down. Amanda was loving being held by Olivia. She wanted to stay like this for the rest of the night. Olivia's arms felt so right around her.

Her head raised again. Olivia's eyes met hers. Their faces were so close, that they were sharing the same air. It was intoxicating. "Olivia," Amanda murmured, moving to pull away.

Olivia's armed tightened. "Don't," Olivia whispered, shaking her head slightly. Amanda was in shock. Olivia was actually holding her, and didn't want to stop.

"Okay," Amanda nodded. "I won't." Her head went back to Olivia's shoulder, and she smiled into the skin of Olivia's neck.

She felt Olivia begin to move them, Amanda was still in Olivia's arms, so she was trusting Olivia not to let her fall. Olivia guided them over to the couch, and managed to sit both of them down without breaking contact for a second.

Olivia was sitting on her couch, Amanda was tucked into her body. She didn't want to think about what they were doing, she just knew that she felt safe when Olivia held her. She loved this feeling.

She could hear her phone ringing in the kitchen, but she ignored it. Amanda softly rubbed her nose against the side of Olivia's neck, breathing deeply of Olivia's scent. Olivia groaned, and pulled her closer. That sound went straight to her core.

Olivia leaned back against the cushions, Amanda was practically curled up on top of her. Amanda's eyes drifted closed as Olivia stroked her hair.

~X0~X0~X0~

Olivia's POV:

Olivia closed her eyes and kept her fingers moving through Amanda's hair. She knew this was so wrong, but it felt right. Amanda fit perfectly against her, and she never wanted to let go. Olivia was clutching at the girl, wanting to keep her close. God, Amanda was precious.

Looking down, she smiled at the sleeping blonde on top of her. Amanda's head was resting on her chest, little snores escaping her. Olivia's heart swelled. She knew she should get up, stop this, but she couldn't. Amanda Rollins had branded herself onto Olivia's skin, and Olivia didn't want to be away from her.

Earlier when Amanda hadn't shown up in class, she'd panicked a little. The worst things had ran through her mind, what if Amanda had went home again, what if she was in pain? But then Amanda had come through the door, extremely late, music blasting out of her headphones. Olivia had been relived, and then Amanda had started giving her the cold shoulder. She didn't want Amanda to think that Olivia thought of her any different because of the family she came from.

"Mmm. You smell so good," Amanda mumbled, nuzzling further into her chest. Olivia's eyes went wide as Amanda rubbed her face against her breast, trying to keep calm. She could feel the wetness starting to pool between her thighs. She knew Amanda was just trying to get comfortable, but it was torture. Amanda's nose brushed across her nipple, and Olivia's back arched. Oh god.

Amanda murmured something else and then finally stopped moving. Olivia's eyes started to close, but she kept fighting to keep them open. She couldn't fall asleep here. Well, maybe if I close my eyes for just a second..

~X0~X0~X0~


	11. Kiss Me

**Author's Note: Thank you for all the great feedback, makes me smile. Yes, I heard your requests for another chapter this weekend, and I've granted them. If you guys want more after this, well, I might just post chapter 12 this weekend too! **

**You guys have my heart!**

In this chapter you're going to see the uglier side to Kim.

* * *

**Chapter 11: Kiss Me.  
**

**_Kiss me like you wanna be loved_  
_ You wanna be loved_  
_ You wanna be loved_  
_ This feels like falling in love_  
_ Falling in love_  
_ We're falling in love_**

**_-Ed Sheeran_**

* * *

Olivia's POV:

When Olivia woke up she didn't know where she was at first. There was a pressure on top of her, when she looked down, she caught side of the blonde hair. She was at Amanda's apartment, with her student on top of her. God, what was she doing?

Olivia knew she had feelings for Amanda, but it was so wrong. This could effect Amanda's future, she couldn't let that happen. Amanda snuggled further into her, and Olivia sighed. It was like all her self control just vanished when Amanda Rollins was near her. She was falling in love with Amanda, but she had to face the truth: Amanda was her student. She was supposed to be Amanda's mentor, she would be taking advantage of Amanda if she let anything happen. She couldn't take advantage of Amanda, she cared too much.

She needed to get up. She needed to leave. Unwrapping her arms from around Amanda, she scooted out from under her body. Amanda clutched at her, and that made it even harder for her to leave. You have to, she reminded herself. She finally got free from Amanda's grip, and stood up. Amanda looked so beautiful in her sleep, Olivia almost got swept away again. Shaking her head, she quietly grabbed her purse from the floor.

Amanda whimpered and her heart clenched in her chest. Olivia bent down and placed a soft kiss on Amanda's forehead. God, she needed to get out of here before she did something that she'd regret.

Gathering all of her strength, Olivia backed away from Amanda's sleeping form and headed for the front door.

She kept telling herself not to look back, if she did, she'd never leave.

~0X~0X~0X~0X~0X~

**Amanda's POV: **

Amanda missed the warmth immediately, she'd heard Olivia leave. She felt extremely hurt that Olivia had just left, no note or anything. With a groan, Amanda sat up and stretched her back muscles. She'd picked an amazing couch, it had been comfortable. Then again she had been on Olivia, not the couch. Amanda had enjoyed being held by Olivia, it had melted all her worries away. Now that Olivia had left, she felt strange. She missed the older woman.

The phone rang in the kitchen, and Amanda ran to answer it. It might be Olivia, maybe she forgot something.

"Hello?" she said excitedly.

"Amanda?" Kim's voice rang out. Not again, Amanda thought. "Kim, I told you. I have no place for you."

"Amanda, I know. I'm not calling about that" Kim said, sounding impatient.

"What do you want, Kim?" Amanda sighed into the device.

"Can you meet me, I need to talk to you," Kim said. Amanda could hear loud music in the background.

"Kim, I don't think that's a good idea. It's already past 10, getting late," Amanda rationalized. She really didn't want to see her sister, Kim would just make her feel worse.

"Please, we're sisters," Kim yelled. Amanda could hear the music getting louder and louder, almost swallowing Kim's voice whole. "I'll text you the address, just show up."

Kim hung up. A few seconds later her phone received a new message, Kim had sent the address. Amanda was already dressed, she could just go see what Kim wanted. She'd be in and out.

~X0~X0~X0~

When Amanda first saw the building her sister had sent her to, she'd done a double take. The place was huge, but it looked to be falling apart and old. Music was blasting out the front doors, and people were entering and exiting as they pleased. Amanda had a bad feeling about this, but she pushed it back.

Stepping into the building, Amanda was shocked. The place was packed wall to wall, lights were flashing. The air reeked of pot and alcohol. The smoke was so thick, Amanda coughed when she entered. God, what was Kim doing here? Amanda knew she should turn around, but no matter what Kim had done to her, they were still sisters. Amanda entered the crowd.

She was packed in, people were bouncing and grinding all around her. Amanda could feel herself start to sweat. There was a tap to her shoulder, Amanda spun around. Her sister was standing before her, and she didn't look too good. Kim was sweating, her eyes darting around madly. Kim held up a red cup and offered it to Amanda. "Cheers!"

Amanda took the cup and held it awkwardly. "Kim, what did you want to talk about?" She yelled, trying to make sure Kim heard her over the music.

"Drink's first, Manda! Where are your manners, toast with me!" Kim shouted, holding her cup up for a toast. For the third time that night, Amanda went against her gut, and drunk from her cup. It was obviously very strong alcohol and Amanda coughed as the liquid slid down her throat.

"God, Kim. What's in this?" she pointed to her cup. Kim shook her head and smiled, jumping up and down with the crowd. "Let go, Amanda!" Kim yelled.

"No, Kim. Look at me!" Amanda yelled, grabbing her sisters arm. "Kim!"

What kind of drugs was her sister on? "Kim, what are you on?" Amanda continued.

"Amanda, I called you here so we could spend some time together. Enjoy the party, sis," Kim laughed, tossing her head back and pumping her fist up.

Amanda shook her head in disbelief. She moved to exit the crowd, when the first wave of dizziness hit. The music was pounding in her head, her world was spinning. Amanda stumbled.

"Kim," Amanda yelled, holding her head with one hand. "What did you give me? God, what was in that drink?" She dropped her cup, and heard the liquid splash all over the floor.

"Just relax, Amanda. You'll be alright," Kim dug in her pocket and pulled some type of pill out. Amanda shook her head and tried to concentrate, her thoughts were fuzzy, it was like she couldn't form any coherent thoughts. Kim suddenly pulled her head back, and dumped the pill down her throat.

"The fuck?" Amanda mumbled, trying to hack the small pill back up. It was stuck in the middle of her throat, but it was too far down to come back up. Amanda had to swallow. Why had she trusted Kim? The music grew louder. Her vision started to blur. Kim was bouncing up and down, laughing madly. Amanda knew one thing, she had to get out of here. Her legs felt weak, like every time she moved, they would snap.

"Amanda, enjoy it!" Kim yelled into her ear. Amanda clutched the side of her head and pushed past her sister, moving further into the crowd. She needed to find the doors. The air was getting thicker and she felt like she was suffocating, her head was spinning. Colors were flashing all around her. Laughter echoed all around her. Amanda felt like she was going to puke. There was a ticking noise vibrating around inside her head. God, what had Kim done to her?

Somebody pushed her, and Amanda stumbled. You need to focus, Amanda thought. Find the door. She managed to think clearly for a moment, her eyes scanning the building. She could see the door. Amanda stumbled towards it, pushing her way through the sea of bodies. Amanda fell on top of somebody, they quickly pushed her off. She couldn't hear anything, except the faint pumping of the music. She felt like she was far away from her body, looking down. It was like watching a really bad movie.

The crowd surged, and Amanda almost got swept away again. She kept fighting, her body growing weaker.

Finally she stumbled out into the fresh night air. Her sister had tricked her, her sister had drugged her. Amanda almost fell down. She felt like she was drowning underwater and nobody was there to save her. Tears streamed from her eyes, but she forced herself to keep walking down the street. She needed to get to the Subway, needed to get home. All Amanda could think about was her sisters betrayal. Her head got fuzzier, it was like she wasn't in control of her own body. Amanda kept trying to fight it, to push the fog from her mind, but it wouldn't go away.

Just find home.

~0X~0X~0X~0X~

Amanda snuggled further into the warmth that surrounded her. Her head was pounding, and she was still a bit fuzzy, but she felt better. She must've made it home. When her eyes opened, she jumped back. Olivia Benson was standing in front of her, and she looked pissed. Olivia still looked extremely beautiful when she was mad.

Why was Olivia here? Was she hallucinating?

Without thinking, Amanda said the first thing that popped into her head. "Are you real?"

Olivia's eyebrow arched, and her jaw clenched. Amanda looked around. She was in Olivia's house, back in Olivia's bedroom. How did she get here? She rubbed her head and groaned, God her head felt horrible. What happened last night?

"Please, tell me I'm dreaming," she whispered to herself, glancing back to Olivia.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Olivia asked, her voice eerily calm.

"Uh. Huh?" Amanda said dumbly, tilting her head. She couldn't really focus on anything with the pounding in her head. "How did I get here?" Amanda asked, ignoring Olivia's question.

"I was heading to work this morning, and I found you passed out on my lawn," Olivia said, crossing her arms over her chest. "I'll ask again. What the hell were you thinking, Amanda?"

"Oh, God, on your lawn," Amanda groaned, rubbing her temples. "I'm so sorry, I'll pay for any damage I did."

"Amanda, what were you doing?" Olivia asked, her voice raising a bit.

"I was trying to go home, must've took the wrong train. Sorry bout that," Amanda murmured, clutching at her head. God, it felt like rocks were being tossed around in there.

Olivia suddenly grabbed her arms, and looked her in the eye. "Are you not understanding me? I want to know what the hell you think you were dong last night?"

"I don't-" Amanda stammered, trying not to look at Olivia. How was she supposed to tell her that she'd been high as a kite, and that her own sister had been the one to drug her?

"Amanda, were you drinking?" Olivia asked, she sounded livid.

"Not really," Amanda admitted. It was true, she'd only had a few gulps out of her cup. She wouldn't have been effected if Kim hadn't spiked it.

"Were you doing drugs?" Olivia kept the questions up.

"Yeah," Amanda said reluctantly.

"What did you take, Amanda?"

"I don't really know," Amanda blushed, looking down.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Olivia yelled, her body going tense. Amanda's head protested at the loud noise, and she grimaced.

"Yeah. Sorry about your lawn. I need to go home, I have work later," Amanda said, moving to climb out from under the covers.

"Amanda, don't you dare get out of that bed," Olivia's voice was so low, so threatening. Amanda stopped moving. "If you think you're going anywhere, you're wrong. It's Friday and you've already missed school, you think I'm going to let you go back and party the weekend away?"

"Olivia, you really don't understand," Amanda tried, moving to get up again.

Olivia softly pushed her back down, warning her with her eyes. "I think I understand plenty, Amanda. I found you face down on my lawn this morning, do you know how sca -worried I was?" Amanda shook her head, lowering her eyes. "I didn't think so. You're going to stay in that bed, you are going to drink some water, and then you are going to talk to me about what happened last night."

Amanda tried to protest, but Olivia silenced her with a hand.

"That's not an option."

Olivia sat down on the bed next to her, and handed her a bottle of water. "Start at the beginning, Amanda."

"After you left, I got a call from my sister," Amanda sighed. She really didn't want to tell Olivia about Kim, but she didn't want Olivia to think she used drugs either. "She asked me if we could meet up and talk. I said yes."

"So you met up, and got high together?" Olivia asked, her voice questioning.

"No! God, no. When I got there, I realized it was a party. Kim let me walk right into the middle of a rave, Olivia. I found her, and we started talking, next thing I know I'm dizzy and there's a pill down my throat," Amanda bit her lip, trying to keep the tears at bay. "Olivia, I'm so sorry about your grass, I was trying to get home and I must have taken the wrong train, I don't know."

"Amanda, I don't care about the grass. When I saw you," Olivia's voice broke and she turned her head away. Amanda felt horrible. She raised her hand and cupped Olivia's cheek, making the older woman look at her. "Olivia, I'm so sorry."

Her thumb was wiping Olivia's tears away, and all she could think about was how beautiful Olivia looked in that moment. Without thinking, her hand went around to cup the back of Olivia's neck, and she pulled the woman closer. Their eye contact was shooting heat through Amanda's body, and she couldn't look away. Olivia's face was inches from hers, and for a moment, neither of them moved.

Then Amanda leaned forward, and brushed her lips softly against Olivia's mouth. Olivia didn't pull back. Olivia's lips were so warm and soft, Amanda needed more. Her fingers slipped into Olivia's long dark hair, and she pulled Olivia even closer, their lips finally melding together. She groaned at the feel of Olivia's lips. They were so soft, just as perfect as she imagined.

She could feel Olivia's hands on her sides, and she smiled. After a moment she deepened the kiss, swiping her tongue across Olivia's bottom lip. Olivia's hands went away and she pulled back.

"Amanda..."


	12. Without You

Author's Note: Because I love you, I'm giving you chapter 12. If you guys want 13, I'll post it later on in the day.

**Chapter 12: Without You.**

* * *

**Your love is deadly.  
Tell me life is beautiful,  
They all think I have it all.  
I've nothing without you.  
All my dreams and all the lights mean  
Nothing without you.**

**-Lana Del Rey. **

* * *

**Olivia's POV: **

A million thoughts were running through her head. Olivia's eyes were wide as she looked at Amanda. All she knew was that she'd started to say something, but now she had no clue as to what. Amanda licked her lips, and Olivia's pulse quickened. She could feel Amanda's fingers in her hair, softly rubbing her scalp and the sensation alone almost sent her into convulsions of pleasure. Amanda Rollins had broken her.

Amanda leaned back in. Olivia's eyes fluttered closed as Amanda's mouth overlapped with hers. Amanda nipped at her bottom lip. Her snapped back open, and she realized what she was doing. She was kissing Amanda and loving it. For a second, Olivia started to loose herself again. Then Amanda moaned and tugged softly at Olivia's hair. She clenched her thighs together and turned her head away.

"Amanda," Olivia started again, now breathing heavier. "We can't."

Amanda didn't seem to hear her, and used her grip on Olivia's hair to tilt her head back. Then Amanda's lips were nibbling over her pulse point, and she almost gave in. God, it felt so good. Amanda made her feel incredible.

"Stop," Olivia managed to choke out. "Amanda, we have to stop."

It pained her to say those words, but she had to. She promised herself she would never take advantage of Amanda, but here she was.

"Liv," Amanda mumbled, nuzzling her face into the soft skin of Olivia's shoulder. Amanda was all but purring in satisfaction.

Olivia gathered all of her strength, everything she had, and pushed Amanda away. She needed to get those delicious lips away from her, she needed to think. Her heart and her brain were at war. Her heart wanted to pull Amanda back into her arms, and continue. Her brain told her to stop this, she was taking advantage.

Amanda looked at her with confusion. "Olivia?"

She pulled completely away from Amanda, and put her head in her hands. "I'm so sorry, Amanda."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Olivia. I want you," Amanda said, moving to come closer.

"No. You don't know what you want Amanda, I'm taking advantage of you!" Olivia said, her voice shaky.

"Liv, you didn't. I'm telling you that I wanted it, I want you," Amanda said, her voice raising.

Olivia just shook her head. Amanda really didn't understand how wrong this whole situation was. She was a woman in her thirty's who was in love with her student, her high school student. Olivia felt disgusted with herself. Not because of Amanda, she could never hate Amanda, but because of what she'd done to Amanda. She was in a position of power, and she was abusing that power.

"Olivia, why can't you understand?" Amanda asked softly, her hand reaching out to touch Olivia. Olivia jerked back.

"Why can't you understand, Amanda? I'm abusing you!" Olivia shouted, her hands covering her face.

"You are not! I promise you, Olivia," Amanda started, but Olivia cut her off.

"I am! God, It's so wrong for me to feel the way I do," Olivia mumbled into her hands, trying to hold back her tears.

"Olivia, I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions. I need you."

"No, you're not an adult! You are a child. Don't you get that?" Olivia shook her head, running a hand through her hair.

"Olivia-"

"Just no. Amanda, I can't. I couldn't hurt you like that. You mean too much to me," Olivia said, her voice gaining a strength.

"You can't expect me to stay away from you," Amanda murmured, her fists clenching. "Because I can't. I won't."

Olivia sighed and stood up, looking out the window. Amanda was making this so hard. It was hurting her to hear the desperation in Amanda's voice, the fear. Olivia was sure she was doing the right thing, for both of them.

She almost gasped when she felt a hand on her shoulder, turning her around. Amanda pushed her back against the window, and Olivia moaned as Amanda sealed their lips together. Amanda's arms went around her waist, pulling their bodies together. Amanda pulled back.

"I want you. I need you. Eventually you will see it," Amanda whispered against her lips. Then the arms disappeared and she heard her bedroom door slam shut.

Olivia was still in shock. Her body was trembling. Amanda had just turned her around, and planted one on her. Olivia's fingers came up to rub her lips, her eyes still wide.

She had made the right decision. She knew she had, but it felt so wrong.

Her tears finally started to fall. Olivia turned back around just in time to watch Amanda storm onto the street.

Olivia's fingertips hadn't left her lips.

~X0~X0~X0~X0~

Amanda sat next to Fin on her couch, drinking beer they'd gotten from that place that didn't I.D. They were watching a sports game, and Amanda really was trying to have a good time with the guy that was quickly becoming her best friend. She couldn't.

She hadn't even been able to manage a smile. She couldn't act like nothing was wrong after everything that had happened today, Olivia had rejected her. She knew that Olivia thought that she was doing the right thing, but Amanda couldn't have disagreed more. She wanted the older woman, and it pissed her off that Olivia thought of her as a child. She loved Olivia, this wasn't just some random crush that had developed overnight. Olivia had been one of the only people to offer her a smile when she'd first gotten here, Olivia had taken care of her when her mother had beaten the shit out of her, Olivia had held her while she cried. All Amanda had wanted to do was repay the favor, but Olivia had pushed her away.

"You alright, Manda?" Fin asked.

Amanda nodded her head, taking another swig from her beer. The bitter aftertaste made her feel slightly better.

"You don't seem like it. You know you can talk to me," Fin smiled reassuringly.

"Fin, I screwed up," Amanda sighed, pressing the cool beer bottle to her forehead.

"Ms. Benson?" Fin asked.

"Uh-" Amanda stuttered, not knowing how to answer. How had he figured it out? Was she really that obvious?

"Come on, Manda. We're friends, and I see the way you look at each other. You know I won't say anything," Fin shrugged.

"I kissed her," Amanda said.

"Oh shit," Fin's eyes widened. "How did that go?"

"She pushed me away, told me that we couldn't. She seriously thought she was abusing me, Fin," Amanda groaned.

"Oh man, no wonder you feel like shit," Fin sympathized. "We should have gotten something heavier than beer, you could use some Vodka."

"No! That's how I ended up in this mess to begin with," Amanda said. "Kim fucked with me last night, and I ended up on Olivia's lawn."

Fin tried to stifle his laughter, but it came out loud and clear after a second. Amanda glared at him.

"Look, Kim's fucked up. But you passed out on her lawn, you know how to woo a lady, Manda," Fin chuckled, taking a drink from his own bottle.

"Shut up, Fin," Amanda cracked a smile.

"I just hope you weren't drooling," Fin teased.

She punched him lightly on the arm. "Fin, I just, I don't know what to do."

"Give it time, Manda. The key to being the love master, is that you let them come to you," Fin smirked.

"The love master?" Amanda laughed.

"Hell yeah. I've got em' lining up. Haven't you noticed?" Fin fluttered his eyelashes at her.

"You're something else, Fin," Amanda giggled.

"That's what they tell me, but I'm also starving. Pizza?" Fin asked, already picking up the phone to order.

"Sure," Amanda agreed, turning her head back to the game as he ordered. She was suddenly really glad that she had invited him over. After she had come home, Amanda had realized that she didn't want to be alone, so she dialed Fin's number. He'd shown up thirty minutes later with a six pack of beer and a smile.

Amanda couldn't be more grateful for his friendship right now.

~X0~X0~X0~X0~

Sitting in Olivia's classroom was awkward for Amanda. She'd gotten there early this time, and she had managed to snag her usual seat in the back. Fin had grabbed the one right next to her, and had given her a supportive smile. She could do this.

She had made it through the rest of the weekend without talking to Olivia. Now all she had to do was get through this hour. She wanted more than anything to be near Olivia, but the older woman had made it clear that she didn't want Amanda. Amanda would respect her wishes, no matter how much it hurt.

Then Olivia walked through the door, and all of Amanda's previous plans flew right out the door. Olivia looked beyond beautiful. Amanda's fists clenched, and Fin put a hand on her shoulder. Today, Olivia was dressed in a black sweater that showed a peek of perfect olive cleavage, a creme color pencil skirt that stopped just above her knees, and a pair of red pumps. Olivia's hair was pulled up into a ponytail, and it gave a perfect view of Olivia's neck. Oh god, she could see a slight hickey, Amanda had left her mark on Olivia. Her panties were instantly soaked.

Amanda looked away, she couldn't take this. She was temped to get up and walk out, but she didn't want Olivia to know that she was falling apart. Amanda needed Olivia, but she damn well wasn't going to admit that again. So she stayed in her seat, slumped down hoping not to be noticed. She couldn't even take Olivia's eyes on her right now.

"_Okay, today we're going to be preparing for our field trip. It's tomorrow, I hope you are all excited_!" Olivia said. The rest of her classmates whooped but Amanda just tried to keep her head down.

"_We are going to be taking a bus, and you will be sitting with the person beside_ you." Olivia said. At least she got to sit with Fin, he would entertain her.

Then Olivia continued. "_But because we have an uneven number of students, all of you have partners, except.._" Olivia looked down at her clip board.

"_Amanda Rollins. You'll be sitting with me,_" Olivia said.

Amanda swallowed and nodded her head, letting Olivia know that she'd heard her. Sweet mother of Jesus, why did the universe hate her? She was going to be sitting very close to Olivia for the hour it took to get to the place, and then the hour back. Fuck.

Amanda could barley handle being in the same room with the woman, how was she going to share a seat with her? For a brief second Amanda thought about calling in sick, but that would require a parent note, and she didn't have a parent. She would be going on this field trip, and she would be sitting next to Olivia. Fucking great.


	13. Clarity

Chapter 13: Clarity

* * *

_'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need_  
_ Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why_

_ If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?_  
_ If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?_

_-Madilyn Bailey._

* * *

Amanda's POV:

It was early Tuesday morning, and it was cold outside. Amanda took a sip from her coffee, walking into the school building. As soon as she stepped inside she saw her whole class seated on benches, waiting for the bus. Amanda was twenty minutes late, she had really been hoping that they would've already left. Fin caught her eye and waved her over, motioning to the empty seat beside him. She gave him a little wave and started to make her way over, when a voice stopped her. A voice that Amanda hadn't been able to stop thinking about for the past few days.

"Amanda, do remember where you are sitting at the play?" Olivia asked from behind her. She knew Olivia was only doing her job, but it still pissed her off. Like she could forget.

"I guess I'll just follow you, Ms. Benson," Amanda replied, not bothering to turn around. Without waiting for Olivia to say anything, Amanda continued on her way to Fin.

"Hey, Man," Amanda greeted, bumping his fist. Fin grabbed her coffee from her hands and took a sip, groaning with satisfaction.

"You get the best coffee, Manda," Fin grinned, hogging her cup.

Amanda laughed and shook her head at his antics. "What if I was going to finish that?"

"Well then I guess it's too late now," Fin replied, still taking small sips of the hot liquid. "Anyway, I didn't expect you to show up."

"Yeah, well, I tried to be late," Amanda said, leaning back into the bench. She had taken a long shower, stopped to get coffee, and walked the three blocks here at a pace her drunken mother could've beaten. There was a honking noise from outside and everybody was directed to stand up.

She followed the rest of her class out the front doors, back into the cool morning air. Amanda rubbed her arms for warmth as she waited. She knew she would be last to board. She was perfectly okay with that. The more time she spent outside, the less time she spent next to Olivia Benson.

They were going to see a play called _Les Miserables_, Amanda thought it sounded kind of interesting. The only thing was, that you had to sit next to the person you had shared a bus seat with. She was going to spend her whole day in the hell. "Hey, kid. You coming?" The bus driver asked.

She realized that she had just been standing there, everybody else had already gotten on. With a nod, she grabbed the railing and climbed up the steep bus stairs. Amanda took in a deep breath. The bus was packed. Her eyes scanned for her seat. She caught a glimpse of Olivia's brown hair all the way in the back. Amanda politely pushed her way back to the empty spot, squeezing through the rows of students. When she got there, Olivia was sitting on the outside of the seat.

"Excuse me," Amanda murmured, sliding in front of Olivia's body to get to the window spot. Her ass rubbed over Olivia's leg as she tried to squeezed through, Amanda bit back her moan. Then the bus suddenly jolted forward, and she fell back in surprise. She landed right on Olivia's lap. Olivia's arms instantly went around her waist, and helped her regain her balance.

"Thanks," Amanda said, as she scooted off Olivia and into her seat.

This was extremely painful, Amanda's whole body yearned for Olivia. She hated having to sit here, and not be able to touch the woman next to her. All she wanted was to lean over and snuggle into Olivia. Was that such a bad thing?

Amanda had replayed that moment in Olivia's house over and over. She understood where Olivia was coming from, but that didn't mean she agreed. Olivia had taken her choice away, and that wasn't fair. Amanda wanted to talk to Olivia, but she didn't know what she would say. She had to say something, but every idea that popped into her head sounded horrible and would only embarrass her.

So Amanda stayed quiet, looking out the window instead. The bus seat was so small that every time they hit a bump in the road, her leg would press against Olivia's. She felt like Olivia was looking at her, but she didn't want to turn around and find out. She just wanted to get through this trip.

~X0~X0~X0~

Amanda stood at the concession stand. The line had been insanely long and most of her class was already seated in the theater. Amanda was starving so she had endured the long wait, hoping the popcorn would make up for it. She figured she might as well get Olivia something. She'd gotten Olivia a medium bag of chocolate candies.

"Here you go, lady," the guy behind the counter said, handing her the food.

"Thanks," Amanda said, moving out of the line with her stuff. She headed for the theater, when she stepped in she realized that the play was just starting. Amanda was having trouble seeing but she managed to quickly navigate her way down the steps, and through rows of people. She got to her assigned seat without disturbing too many audience members. The seats in this theater were made for two, and they had no arm rest between them. It was like a small loveseat. Amanda slowly lowered herself down next to Olivia.

They were so close to each other, that their shoulders were touching. Amanda looked over at the woman beside her, trying to see her face.

Olivia looked tense, like she was trying hard not to cry. Without thinking Amanda softly reached out and touched Olivia's arm. The older woman's head snapped around so fast, Amanda almost jumped back. Olivia's eyes bore into hers with such intensity that Amanda had to force herself to speak.

"Hey, I got you some candy," Amanda whispered, offering the small sack to Olivia. Olivia looked at her for a second more, and then her eyes flicked to the bag. She took the candy from Amanda.

"Thank you," Olivia whispered back, turning her eyes back to the stage. Amanda let out a sigh of relief and snuggled back into the soft cushions of the seat, digging into her popcorn. The curtains parted, but Amanda wasn't paying attention to the play. She was watching Olivia.

Olivia had relaxed a little and was nibbling at her candy. Amanda found it adorable how into the play the older woman already was. Amanda put the popcorn in the middle of them, and tapped Olivia again. Olivia glanced over, and Amanda pointed down to the popcorn. Olivia nodded and mouthed her thanks.

Amanda almost felt like they were getting back to normal, and that was a great feeling. She had missed Olivia so much, and she didn't know how much longer she could've stayed away from the woman. Reaching down for some more popcorn, Amanda made to grab a handful. She grabbed Olivia's hand instead. Amanda's eyes widened and she looked over, planning on apologizing. Olivia wasn't even looking at her, she was still focused on the play. Amanda moved to pull her hand back, but Olivia wouldn't let it go. She watched with surprised eyes as Olivia held her hand, running her thumb over Amanda's knuckles.

Olivia had made it clear that she didn't want her, but now she was holding her hand? Was Olivia intentionally messing with her head? Two could play at this game. Amanda traced her finger over Olivia's palm in random little patterns.

Then the musical part of the play started, and Amanda's attention was drawn to the stage. They were still in the opening act, but Amanda felt like it had been so much longer. Amanda could feel Olivia's grip on her hand tighten and she smiled. Their hands fit together so perfectly it had her in awe.

~X0~X0~X0~X0~

By the time the bus parked in the school's lot it was already getting dark. Amanda could see parents sitting out front, waiting to pick their kids up. Amanda felt a twinge of sadness when she thought about how everybody else got to get in a car with their parents and ride home, while Amanda got to get off the bus and walk home by herself. Because she was sitting in the back with Olivia, they were the last ones off.

All her classmates were already getting in cars, and leaving. Amanda didn't see Fin anywhere, so she turned and started to head home. It was only a few blocks and if she hurried, she could make it before it got completely dark.

"Amanda!" she heard from behind her. Turning around she saw Olivia walking towards her.

"Hey, Ms. Benson," Amanda greeted, she didn't know if she was still allowed to address her as Olivia.

"I wanted to offer you a ride home, it's getting dark, and.." Olivia stopped and looked away, chewing on her bottom lip.

"And?" Amanda asked, curious as to what the older woman had been going to say.

"Amanda, I care about you," Olivia finished. "Can I please take you home?"

Amanda crossed her arms and answered, "Yeah."

"Come on, my car's right over there," Olivia headed towards her car when Amanda's voice stopped her.

"Olivia, I know what your car looks like. I've been in it before, a few times actually," Amanda shrugged, walking towards the car's passenger side.

Olivia didn't answer, but she unlocked the car door for Amanda. She pulled the car door open and slid in, watching as Olivia started the engine.

"Did you like the play?" Olivia asked softly, turning out of the schools parking lot.

"Yeah. It was really nice," Amanda answered. "Know what else was nice?"

"Hmm?" Olivia glanced over, looking into Amanda's eyes for a moment.

"Your hand in mine was good too," Amanda said, leaning her head back against the head rest.

Olivia didn't answer but she tensed. "You know, Olivia, I seriously don't know what your problem is, but you can't just reject me and tell me you don't want me, then turn back around and hold my hand. That's not how it works," Amanda's jaw clenched.

Olivia stopped at a red light and looked over, her mouth opening and closing several times. Amanda just turned her head and looked out the window. They drove the rest of the way in silence, when Olivia pulled up, Amanda rushed to exit the car. Olivia's hand on her arm stopped her.

"Amanda," Olivia murmured.

"Olivia, just, tell me one thing," Amanda turned around and faced Olivia, leaning over the console and getting into Olivia's space. "Do you have feelings for me?"

"I-Amanda," Olivia started, but Amanda stopped her by cupping her face softly.

"Olivia, do you have feelings for me?" she repeated, looking into Olivia's deep brown eyes.

"Yes," Olivia finally answered.

"Olivia, I don't want to be away from you anymore. Please don't make me," Amanda pleaded, leaning in and resting her forehead on Olivia's. "Please."

Olivia closed her eyes and shook her head, leaning into Amanda's touch. "I won't, Amanda. I can't. I need you too."

Amanda nodded and backed away. "Come upstairs with me, Olivia," Amanda whispered.

"Amanda, that doesn't mean we can be in a relationship. I want to be back in your life, but we can't do that, Amanda," Olivia said, brushing a strand of hair out of Amanda's face.

Amanda nodded and kissed Olivia's cheek, before grabbing the door handle. "Goodnight, Olivia."

"Goodnight," Olivia whispered.

Amanda climbed out of the car, turning and walking towards her building. Tears were streaming down her face as she stepped inside the lobby.

~X0~X0~X0~X0~

Olivia's POV:

Olivia watched in silence as Amanda walked into her complex. Part of her wanted to get out and run to Amanda, but the other part still believed that she was doing the right thing. She wasn't so sure of that anymore tho. When she wasn't with Amanda, she felt like she couldn't think. Now that she had known what it was like to have Amanda in her arms, she needed more.

When Amanda had fallen into her on the bus, her heart had nearly stopped. Amanda's weight had felt like heaven on top of her. For a moment she had forgotten that she was on a school bus, surrounded by students. For one tiny second she had almost pulled Amanda down and claimed her lips. Then at the play, she had really tried to let go of Amanda's hand, but she couldn't.

Olivia had missed Amanda horribly for the few days they hadn't talked, and today had been the only happy moments she had since Amanda stormed out of her house. Olivia started the car, and reluctantly pulled back onto the road. It was taking everything she had not to turn around and go knock on Amanda's door.

~X0~X0~X0~

Olivia was getting settled in bed when her phone beeped, and the screen lit up with a new message. Olivia grabbed the phone and looked at the text.

Amanda: Hey, are you asleep?

Olivia smiled and opened her keyboard, typing out her reply. 'No. Just got home, what's up?'

She kept refreshing her messages, waiting for Amanda's message. She didn't have to wait long.

Amanda: Nothing. I'm sorry, I just couldn't sleep. Wanted to make sure you made it home alright.

Olivia smiled at the message and lied back in her bed, pulling her phone close to her chest. She may not be able to hold Amanda like she wanted, but she could still dream.


	14. Black Beauty

**Authors Note: So sorry for the wait!**

**Enjoy!**

**Thank you for all the reviews, they mean so much to me. I love each and every one of you.**

* * *

Chapter 14:

Black Beauty.

_Oh, what can I do?_  
_ To turn you on or get through to you_  
_ Oh, what can I do?_  
_ Life is beautiful but you don't have a clue_  
_ Sun and ocean blue_  
_ Their magnificence, it don't make sense to you_

_-Lana Del Rey_

* * *

**Amanda's POV:**

An annoyed scowl graced Amanda's face as she made the customer his cappuccino. The cafe had recently hired a new supervisor and of course, he was now in charge of over looking shifts. That's how Amanda came to be serving coffees when she was supposed to be in school, he'd threatened to have her job if she didn't work the afternoon rush.

She knew her education was important, but so was this job. She didn't have anybody to fall back on, Amanda was in charge of taking care of herself. She had financial responsibility's and those had to come first now. If she got fired from the cafe, she would loose her apartment, and she couldn't let that happen. She may not have a lot, but she would not be homeless. At least she hadn't missed the whole day, just the last class of the day. She hoped she wouldn't have to work these hours for long, she didn't know how many times she could get away with missing class.

Amanda handed the guy his drink, and moved on to the next person in line.

"Hey, welcome! What can I get for you today?" Amanda asked, readying her notepad. As she took the lady's order, she kept glancing at her watch. She only had five more minutes until she could clock out and go home.

Amanda put the order in and took the money, swiveling around to go make the coffee. Amanda knew she should be grateful for this job. She knew that. And she was grateful, but that didn't mean she didn't hate every second of it.

Amanda poured the coffee from the blender into the cup, putting a lid on the top, and sliding it over the counter to the lady. "Thank you," Amanda smiled politely. Thankfully that seemed to be the last of the rush, and she finally got to relax. She'd been working her ass off since she started her shift, and it felt nice to have a moment to relax. She was so tired, and all she wanted to do was go home.

Leaning against the cool counter top of the bar, Amanda closed her eyes for a moment. When she was little and she fantasized about her future life, she could have never imagined she'd end up here. She was seventeen, living in one of the most amazing cities, and she was independent. She was the stray that nobody wanted.

Nobody except Olivia Benson. For the first time that day, Amanda let out a genuine smile. Just thinking about the older woman brought a warm feeling spreading through her body, from her head to her toes. She had been going through Olivia withdrawals lately, and she was beyond upset that she hadn't been able to attend Olivia's classes. She'd only missed two class sessions so far, but she knew that she was falling behind.

Amanda opened her eyes and straightened up, looking down at her watch again. Her shift was over in about five more seconds, then she got to collect her tips, and get the hell out of there. She began untying her apron, a wide grin on her face.

"Rollins!" came the hard, loud voice of her new boss. Amanda rolled her eyes and walked back to his office, steeling her nerves.

"Yeah, boss?" Amanda asked, poking her head in his office door.

"Congratulations. We're going to give you some overtime, your shift ends in two more hours. Get back to work," his cold, uncaring tone echoed in her ears.

Amanda gritted her teeth and stepped further into the room. "I didn't ask for overtime. I'm doing fine with what I have, sir," Amanda forced out.

"And I didn't ask for any lip. You either get your ass back out there, or walk out that door and never come back. Choice is yours."

Amanda clenched her fists, turned around, and stomped out of his office. Half of her was tempted to quit, but she knew that she couldn't. She would just have to deal with these hours and try her best to make them work. Grabbing her apron, she put it back on, and strode back to the register.

She was here for another two hours, fucking great.

* * *

Amanda grumbled as she stepped off the elevator and into the hallway that led to her apartment door. She was absolutely exhausted from her overly long shift at the cafe, and could hardly keep her eyes open. After her extended two hour stay at work, she'd been forced to clean up too. She had stayed at work all day. At least she had made really good money tonight, the overtime had given her paycheck a nice boost, and since she had been at the counter the whole day she got a decent amount of tips.

Amanda's eyes were half closed as she fished her keys out of her jeans pocket, and stopped at her apartment door. She put the key in the lock and turned, sighing with relief when the door opened. She drug herself into her space and shut the door behind her, heading for her bedroom immediately.

She didn't know how many more shifts she could take like this, she was being drained of all her energy. Amanda was really trying to be a good employee. She was always nice to the customers, and the other workers seemed to genuinely like her, but it was getting harder for her to do her job. Amanda was extremely sleep deprived and she was relying on caffeine to get her through the classes that she actually got to attend. At work it got even worse, she was starting to fall asleep at the counter.

She just couldn't function like this anymore, but she knew that her boss wouldn't care. As long as she took orders and got them to the customers in a timely fashion he was happy.

Amanda let out a tired squeal as she caught sight of her bed, and she wasted no time in flopping down into the covers. "Oh, I've missed you," she murmured into her pillows. Her phone began to ring, but Amanda ignored it as she burrowed deeper into her soft mattress. Her eyes closed as she pulled the covers over her body.

Within minutes, Amanda Rollins was dead to the world.

* * *

Amanda sat quietly on a stool behind the register. It was a slow day, so she didn't really have much to do. All of her focus was currently going into doing crosswords to cure her boredom. Amanda was so into her puzzle that she almost didn't notice the bell that was placed above the front door chime, indicating that she had a new customer. Putting down the newspaper, she stood from her seat and waited.

When she saw who had entered, she was floored. Olivia was walking towards the counter, and she did not look happy.

"Hey, welcome, what can I get for you?" Amanda forced out, smiling. She knew her boss could hear what was happening out front, and she didn't want him to know there was a problem.

"Well, you can tell me why you haven't been in my class," Olivia said, leaning against the counter.

Amanda bit her lip nervously, praying her boss wouldn't come out. "Ms. Benson, I can't do this right now, I'm working."

Olivia shook her head in disbelief and let out a sigh. "I'll have a tall hazelnut cappuccino, please," Olivia said, taking out her wallet.

"Huh?" Amanda asked, her eyebrows furrowing. How did Olivia go from asking about her attendance, to ordering coffee?

"Tall hazelnut cappuccino, Amanda. I thought you remembered orders?"

* * *

Amanda tried her best not to glance over, but she could feel Olivia's eyes on her while she cleaned up. She had made Olivia over 5 cappuccino's. The older woman had been sitting at the same table all day, either scrolling through her phone or staring at Amanda while she worked. She wiped down the counter, and took off her apron.

Her shift was over and she figured Olivia had been sitting in here all day, waiting on her. So with a deep calming breath she hopped over the counter and made her way back to where Olivia was seated. Olivia looked up at her in surprise, but stood from the table.

"Ready?" Olivia asked, putting her phone away.

Amanda nodded and swallowed when she felt Olivia's hand on her back, leading her out of the cafe.

Once they were outside, Amanda cracked a smile as she breathed in the fresh air. Being inside that cafe all day could get really depressing, and Amanda was loving the sun on her face. Olivia chuckled and led Amanda to her car, opening the passenger side door.

She didn't question Olivia and she slipped into the car with no hesitation. She trusted Olivia with her life, she knew Olivia would never hurt her. Olivia climbed in on the drivers side and started the engine, pulling out into traffic.

Amanda rested her head back on her seat and looked at Olivia, still smiling. The sun was shining in through the cars windows, illuminating Olivia's features. Amanda marveled at Olivia's beauty. The older woman's skin was perfectly tanned, her dark hair was pulled back into a clip today, and she was wearing a pair of jeans and a white button up shirt.

"Olivia," Amanda murmured, still smiling like an idiot.

"Hmm?" Olivia hummed, her focus still on the road. Amanda shook her head, if she was smarter she'd keep her mouth shut. Amanda didn't want to be smart.

"You're beautiful," Amanda whispered, biting her lip. She didn't care if Olivia thought this was wrong, she_ needed_ to look, needed to touch. Without giving Olivia a chance to react, she reached over and grabbed Olivia's free hand. Olivia looked over at her, and Amanda swore Olivia was about to cry. Not thinking, Amanda brought Olivia's hand to her lips. Kissing the middle of Olivia's palm, Amanda stroked her fingers over the veins in Olivia's wrist. "So beautiful," Amanda murmured, her lips still pressed against Olivia's flesh.

Olivia let out a whimper and Amanda could see she was struggling to keep her concentration on driving. She reluctantly released her grip on Olivia's wrist so that the older woman could drive, but she kissed the tip of Olivia's finger before she allowed the other woman her hand back.

Olivia's hand immediately went back to the steering wheel, and Amanda could see how tight she was gripping it. Amanda reached out and stroked a fingertip over the side of Olivia's cheek trying to relax the older woman. "Hey, it's okay," Amanda soothed.

Olivia shook her head, but leaned into her touch. "No, it's not. God, I can't help myself," Olivia sighed.

Olivia was confusing her, but Amanda didn't question Olivia's words. "It's alright," Amanda cooed, her fingertips running over the line of Olivia's jaw. She was surprised that Olivia was allowing her touch, but she wasn't going to argue. Olivia's skin was so soft, Amanda couldn't get enough. Her fingers ran from Olivia's jaw, to her neck softly scratching at the skin there, then the car hit a speed bump. Amanda's hand dipped into Olivia's shirt, her fingertips skimming the top of Olivia's breast.

Amanda's eyes glazed over as she felt the heat of Olivia's skin under her fingertips, the silky smooth feel of Olivia's cleavage.

"Oh," Olivia groaned, her eyes suddenly darker. "Amanda..." then Olivia seemed to catch herself. "I'd appreciate it if you could remove your hand from my shirt please," Olivia said in a strained voice. Amanda quickly nodded and went to move her hand, but she couldn't avoid touching more of Olivia's soft skin as she worked her hand out. Olivia was biting her lip, still trying to drive.

She took her hand away from Olivia and placed it on her lap. Olivia looked more worked up than she had before. Great.

"Olivia, where are we going?" Amanda asked, finally noticing that they had passed her apartment.

"Library," Olivia answered quickly, her tone was clipped.

"Why?" Amanda questioned, "Do you need to check out a book?"

"No. You do," Olivia answered. "You've missed my class for the past week, this is how you're going to make it up."

"Uh. Okay," Amanda shrugged, and rolled her window down. She was feeling extremely hot..and it had everything to do with the woman next to her.

* * *

**Olivia's POV:**

Olivia paced the length of her living room, too worked up to sit. She had known spending the day with Amanda wasn't good for her self restraint but she'd done it anyway, and now here she was charged with sexual energy. She had been remembering how Amanda's hand had felt on her skin, felt on her _breast_. God.

She had taken Amanda to the Library and had tried to keep her distance as Amanda picked her book, then she drove Amanda home. Amanda was quiet for the whole ride and Olivia was grateful. She had been at her breaking point, if Amanda had so much as looked at her, she would've snapped. Olivia wanted to give in so badly, it was like her body was on fire, and Amanda was her water.

She'd never felt this way about anyone in her life. She was just drawn to the blonde. Deep down Olivia knew that Amanda was the one, and if she couldn't have Amanda, she didn't know how she'd make it through.

_Jesus, you're pathetic_, Olivia thought to herself as she continued her erratic movements around her living room. _She's only 17 for god sakes! She's your student, you could ruin her future. Pull your shit together, Benson! _

Olivia huffed as she fell back on her couch, pulling her legs up. She was so tired of fighting her feelings for Amanda, and Amanda certainly wasn't making it easy. Olivia knew that spending time with Amanda was incredibly stupid, every moment she spent with the blonde had her falling deeper into the hole. All she wanted was to make these feelings go away, she felt like a horrible person for even entertaining these thoughts, but they wouldn't leave her alone. Olivia didn't know what else she could do, she couldn't stay away from the blonde, and just the thought of dating another person- being intimate with someone who wasn't Amanda, made her cringe.

Olivia rubbed her temples, and leaned back into the couch cushions. Was it_ really_ so bad for her to want this? Shaking her head, Olivia groaned at her own thoughts. _Yes, Olivia, it's bad to want your high school student by your side._

It was so hard to tell herself that these feelings were wrong, when they felt so right. The problem was that fighting these feelings is what felt wrong.


	15. Fast Car

Authors Note: I think I've tortured them both long enough, so here's this!

Chapter 15: Fast Car.

_I'm in a battle with my heartbeat_  
_ The more I struggle the more I get deep_  
_ I go full throttle down the dark streets_  
_ And there is trouble ahead I get weak_  
_ It's like I'm running through a red light_  
_ Girl you know you make me weak._

_-Taio Cruz (AathiTroniic Bootleg Remix)_

Enjoy and Review!

* * *

**Amanda's POV:**

Amanda's brow furrowed slightly as she looked down at the books that were scattered on the floor in front of her.

"Fin," she called, raising her head from her school work to look around for her best friend.

Fin's head immediately popped out from her kitchen.

"Yeah?" Fin called.

Amanda sighed in frustration. She'd invited Fin over to do homework, but he had been occupied, making a mess of her kitchen, trying to make them drinks.

"You're going to turn into an alcoholic," Amanda yelled from her spot on her living room floor.

"Amanda, we can't be alcoholics, we have a great reason to be drinking," Fin responded from her kitchen. Amanda groaned at the sound of glass clanking together, and then the blender turning on.

"You always find a reason to drink, Fin," Amanda chuckled, shaking her head. "What's this amazing reason of yours?" she asked curiously.

"Your birthday is two days away," Fin laughed. "You only turn eighteen once, Amanda."

"Yeah, and I'd like to actually be able to remember it," Amanda giggled.

"Come on, Mands. You gotta celebrate the whole week of your eighteenth, it's tradition," Fin explained from the kitchen.

"Tradition?" Amanda questioned, narrowing her eyes skeptically.

"Teens all across the world have been partying on their eighteenth for centuries, we can't let our ancestors down," Fin argued. Amanda rolled her eyes.

"You are something, Fin. Can't beat that logic though," Amanda said, watching as her best friend made his way back into the living room, carrying two tall glasses full of orange liquid.

"Exactly," Fin smirked. He handed her a glass, and sat down next to her on the floor.

"What's this, Fin?" Amanda asked curiously, looking into her drink. It looked good, but it reeked of Vodka.

"Vodka and orange juice," Fin replied simply, shrugging his shoulders and taking a drink from his glass. "It was all you had in your fridge."

"Nice," Amanda said sarcastically, taking a small sip from her drink. It was actually really good.

"Okay, ready to get started on our work?" Amanda asked, setting her glass down on the floor next to her.

"Amanda, are you serious?" Fin asked, looking at her like she was crazy. "We're drinking Vodka, and you wanna do homework? I'm sure Ms. Benson will really appreciate our sloppy handwriting," Fin smiled.

"See," Amanda argued. "These drinks were a bad idea, because we really do need to get this work done."

"Sure," Fin shrugged. "I'll just do it later, in class. You go right on ahead, I'm just going to enjoy my drink and chill."

Amanda rolled her eyes, torn between wanting to join Fin on his quest to get drunk, and doing her homework. She was glad she had Fin, but sometimes, he made things harder. Amanda picked her notebook back up, and began on her homework again. She didn't want to fail, she could get drunk with Fin after she finished.

"Are you still working at that coffee place when you're supposed to be in class?" Fin asked.

Amanda sighed and nodded, "Boss won't give me a break, apparently serving people at the cafe is more important than graduating."

"Man, that guy is an ass," Fin shook his head.

Amanda nodded her head in agreement, "If I didn't need the money, I'd be out that door so fast."

"Benson's been surprisingly cool about it all, letting you make up your work," Fin said.

"Yeah," Amanda nodded, trying to push down her feelings when he mentioned Olivia. "I guess."

"Amanda.." Fin said hesitantly after only a few moments of silence.

"Hmm?" Amanda asked, still focused on her homework. She couldn't let Fin distract her anymore, or this work would never get done.

"Have you even talked to Ms. Benson?" Fin asked slowly, taking another sip from his drink. Amanda's grip on her pencil tightened.

"No," Amanda replied simply, trying to calm herself down. She hadn't been fully prepared for Fin to bring up Olivia. Amanda's heart was beating wildly in her chest, it hurt when someone even mentioned Olivia.

"You should go talk to her," Fin encouraged.

"No," Amanda shrugged, trying to sound like she didn't care. She didn't want Fin to know how truly close to breaking she was, although, she was sure he could already tell.

"Amanda, you have to talk to the woman," Fin protested.

"I don't have to do anything," Amanda replied. "I don't want to talk about it anymore, Fin," Amanda continued, hoping he'd get the hint and leave her alone.

"Amanda, I'm serious," Fin said. "I can see how much pain you're in, and everyday in class Ms. Benson looks miserable. You both need to grow up, and admit that you need each other," Fin finished, his tone telling Amanda that he was for once, being completely serious.

"Fin, just drop it," Amanda pleaded, mentally steeling herself for whatever was coming next. This was Fin, he wasn't going to let this go without a fight.

"Amanda, you're my best friend, so I can't just drop it. You've been extremely depressed, and I know it's because of her. I won't let you keep this up."

Amanda sighed and dropped her notebook on the floor, picking up her glass and taking a large gulp. "Fine, I just miss her, Fin," Amanda admitted.

"Then go and see her," Fin replied, looking at her like she was stupid.

"I can't," Amanda said.

"I think you can. You told me about how she thinks she's abusing you by being in a relationship with you, have you tried telling her how you feel about it?" Fin questioned.

"Of course, I tried, She doesn't want to listen to me, Fin," Amanda said, biting her lip.

Fin sighed loudly, reaching out and grabbing her hand. "You need to make her listen, Amanda. Show her that you're not some dumb kid, and that you're determined to get what you want," Fin said.

Amanda groaned and fell backwards, resting her head against the soft carpet of her living room floor. She knew that Fin was right, she couldn't keep going on like this. Amanda had tried not to push Olivia too hard, but now she realized that was the problem. She hadn't tried hard enough to get through to Olivia.

"Okay," Amanda said, sighing in defeat.

"...Okay?" Fin questioned, his voice sounding hopeful. "What does that mean, Manda?"

"It means I'll go talk to her in the morning, I have to drop her homework off anyway," Amanda explained, sitting back up and looking at him.

Fin's smile was so big, it looked like it might actually hurt. "Thank God," Fin breathed. "I wasn't sure how much longer I could take seeing you all mopey."

"I wasn't moping," Amanda quipped back, shoving him slightly.

"Hey, watch the drink," Fin laughed, covering his glass protectively.

Amanda shook her head, smiling back at her best friend. "Seriously, Fin, I need to do this," Amanda picked her work back up and started again on the problems.

"Whatever.." Fin laughed, sipping from his glass and flipping her t.v on. "Oh, look, basketball is on today.." he murmured.

Amanda shook her head and tried to continue with her work, ignoring his whooping shouts of encouragement directed at her television screen.

"So, have you decided what you want for your birthday?" Fin asked, trying to distract her yet again.

"You don't have to get me anything, Fin. You being here is enough," Amanda looked up and smiled at him. Fin pretended to wipe away his tears.

"That really got to me, Manda," Fin said, placing his hand over his heart. Amanda laughed, and looked back down at her papers.

* * *

Amanda straightened out her clothes as she hurriedly climbed up the steps, and stepped out into the dark hallway. Every step she took brought her closer to Olivia. She scanned the numbers above the doors to find Olivia's room number, and she stopped at Olivia's door.

Amanda timidly brought her hand to the doorknob, and took a deep steadying breath before she turned the knob, and opened the door.

It was extremely early, and she had given herself about an hour to talk to Olivia one on one, before students actually started showing up at school. She had been trying to build up her confidence all night, but it hadn't really worked. Amanda was still shaking with nerves. She had so many different ideas about how this conversation could possibly go down, and all of them terrified Amanda. What if Olivia rejected her again?

The classroom was dark, the only light was coming from the small lamp on Olivia's desk. Olivia was hunched over a thick pile of paperwork, and Amanda's breath caught at the sight.

Every time she saw Olivia, she was struck with just how beautiful the older woman really was. Amanda's eyes automatically raked over Olivia's gorgeous form. Today Olivia had pulled her dark hair up into a sleek ponytail, that gave Amanda a fantastic view of the older woman's face. Her heart constricted as she stared at Olivia.

She waited for Olivia to acknowledge her presence, but Olivia didn't make any move to look up. She quietly stepped further into the empty room, closing the door behind her. That got Olivia's attention, and she glanced up. For the first time in days, they made eye contact. Amanda's palms began to sweat as those soulful brown eyes stared her down. Olivia finally snapped out of it and gave her a smile.

"Hi, Amanda," Olivia said warmly, a tense undertone to her voice. "You're here early."

"Yeah, I needed to talk to you about something," Amanda said.

"What can I do for you?" Olivia asked, folding her hands in front of her and giving Amanda her complete attention. Amanda thought this was going surprisingly well so far.

"Oh, um, I have some work for you," Amanda spoke up from her position by the door. She knew that she hadn't really come here to drop off her homework, well she had, but it wasn't the most important reason. She just didn't know how to start this conversation, without sounding like a child who's toy had been taken away. She didn't want to give Olivia yet another reason to push her away.

"Okay," Olivia nodded, looking at her expectantly. "Please, come in," Olivia instructed after a moment, waving her forward.

"Oh," Amanda blushed, realizing that Olivia had been waiting for her to walk over, and deliver the work. Amanda girded her loins, and walked over to Olivia's desk, taking a seat on the edge.

"One second," Amanda said, reaching for her bag. It took her a second to dig around in her bag, but she managed to produce her homework in a fairly quick time frame. She handed her papers to Olivia, swallowing as their fingers brushed.

"Thank you," Olivia murmured, clearly dismissing her. Amanda got up, but stayed standing in front of Olivia. Olivia looked back up, a questioning look covering her face. Now or never, Amanda thought. It would probably be best to get straight to the point.

"Olivia, why are you avoiding me?" Amanda asked, looking directly at Olivia.

"I'm not," Olivia said, shrugging and looking back down at the papers on her desk. Amanda clenched her fists.

"Yes, you are. Please, don't lie to my face," Amanda spoke. ""You won't look at me, you've texted me all of two times this week, and this has been our only verbal communication in God knows how long."

"I'm not avoiding you, Amanda. I'm just busy."

It pissed her off that Olivia could just sit there and continue to lie. She had hoped that Olivia respected her enough to at least give her the truth. She knew the brunette was avoiding her, she only wanted Olivia to admit it.

"Right," Amanda snorted. "Olivia, I think we both know that you're doing everything in your power to make sure you don't have to come in contact with me."

Olivia opened her mouth, and then closed it. It was time to switch tactics, Amanda decided. This confrontational approach clearly wasn't working on Olivia.

"Olivia, you have to know that I have feelings for you- and they're so strong," Amanda murmured. "It hurts that you won't even speak to me, Liv. I know you have this ridiculous idea in your head that you're abusing me, and I love that you care about my well being so much, but Olivia- you're not hurting me in any way, shape, or form."

Olivia didn't say anything, in fact, she didn't even look up.

Amanda shook her head, trying to blink back her tears. "I know that you have things to do, Liv. But-" Amanda's voice broke. "It's my birthday tomorrow, and I was hoping you could at least send me a happy birthday text."

With that, Amanda gave Olivia one last look, and then she turned and quickly rushed towards the door. She hesitated before she opened the door, hoping Olivia would try and stop her. Olivia remained silent. Amanda nodded and grabbed for the doorknob, twisting it and pulling the door open. Amanda's tears fell down her face as she stepped out into the dark, empty hallway. She clutched her coat tighter around her, and made her way towards the steps.

That had gone so much worse than she could have ever imagined. Olivia had not only rejected her, she'd ignored her too. For the first time, Olivia had made her feel small.

* * *

"No, I'm sure," Amanda spoke into the phone, smiling at Fin's attempts to get her to go out.

"Fin, I'm absolutely positive that I'd rather be at home by myself, than packed in some sweaty club," Amanda laughed. "I'll be fine, Fin. Have fun."

Amanda hung up the phone, a smile still on her face. This had been the second time Fin had called her to wish her a happy birthday, and invite her out. He'd been trying to talk her into heading to some new club with him, but Amanda had declined. She wasn't in the mood to go out tonight, all she wanted to do was curl up on her couch and stuff herself full of ice cream.

Amanda padded into her kitchen, flipping the lights on. Moving to her refrigerator, she opened the doors, and pulled out a small plastic bowl. She had stopped by the bakery on her way home and bought a small cupcake, there was no need for a large cake when it was just her. Amanda pulled out a single candle and stuck it in the middle of the chocolate cake. She was just about to light the candle, when she heard a knock on the door.

Amanda clicked her phone and looked at the time, it was almost midnight. She really hoped Fin hadn't ditched the club to come spend time with her. Sighing, Amanda set down her lighter and walked to her front door. Her throat constricted when she looked out the peephole, and saw, the one person she hadn't been expecting. Olivia was standing at her door. Her hand moved to the doorknob, but she paused to collect herself. She needed to pull herself together if she was going to have a conversation with Olivia.

After waiting for a moment, Amanda unlocked the door, and opened it. Amanda blushed at Olivia's attire, the older woman was dressed in tight black jeans that hugged the curve of her hips deliciously, a luxurious silk green top, and had thrown a leather jacket over it, her hair was still in a ponytail. Amanda was dressed in sweatpants and an Atlanta Braves sweatshirt.

"Hey, Amanda," Olivia smiled. "I'm sorry to bother you."

"It's no problem," Amanda said, doing her best to smile back. It was a little hard for her to smile, and pretend everything was okay, when Olivia had crushed her less than 24 hours ago.

"May I come in?" Olivia asked hopefully, clasping her hands behind her back.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Amanda mumbled, stepping back and allowing Olivia to enter her apartment. She closed her apartment door, and latched the lock. She didn't want to turn around and face Olivia, she didn't think she had the strength for this right now. She didn't want to seem rude, so unable to do anything else, she slowly turned and looked at Olivia.

Olivia stood directly behind her. Amanda swallowed.

"Happy birthday, Amanda," Olivia said.

"Thanks," Amanda replied, nodding her head. She didn't want her cupcake to sit out for too long so she moved back into her kitchen, swallowing nervously when she heard Olivia follow. "Sorry, I was just about to blow out a candle, I know its stupid but.." Amanda trailed off.

"It's not stupid," Olivia whispered.

Then Olivia did something that shocked the hell out of Amanda. She started singing.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Amanda," Olivia sung to her, and walked around the counter, taking the lighter out of her hand and lighting the candle for her. "Happy birthday to you," Olivia finished.

Amanda blinked. Olivia had just sung to her, it was the most over used song, but to Amanda- it was precious. She never wanted to forget this moment.

"Make a wish," Olivia whispered to her, gesturing to the small cupcake on the counter.

"Okay," Amanda nodded. Leaning down and placing her face directly in front of the candle's flame, she closed her eyes. Amanda knew exactly what she was going to use her wish on. Amanda took a deep breath, and blew the small flame to smoke, just as the air passed her lips, her wish rose up in her mind.

_I wish I could make Olivia as happy as she makes me_.

Amanda leaned back up and opened her eyes, a small smile on her lips. Olivia clapped softly and wrapped her arms around Amanda, hugging her tightly.

"Happy birthday, Amanda," Olivia murmured into her ear.

"Thank you," Amanda said, sighing as Olivia released her and took a step back.

"I wasn't expecting company, but we can share my cupcake?" Amanda offered, already pulling out two forks.

"I'd like that," Olivia smiled. "But first, I, uh," Olivia stammered and reached into her jacket pocket, pulling out an unmistakeable thin black box. "I got you a present."

"You didn't have to do that," Amanda said, her voice thick with emotion.

"I wanted to," Olivia replied, offering Amanda the box.

Amanda cleared her throat, and happily accepted the gift from Olivia. Amanda looked up at Olivia before she opened it. Olivia was shifting nervously, and biting her lip. Amanda gave her a reassuring smile and slowly opened the lid. It was the most beautiful looking piece of jewelry Amanda had ever seen, it was a silver necklace. An thin, elegant chain, with a medium sized locket dangling from it. Amanda looked closer at the locket, and smiled when she realized that her name had been elegantly engraved in the middle.

Amanda couldn't stop the tear that fell down her face, and she looked up.

"Olivia, it's so beautiful. God," Amanda cried, launching herself across the small space, and wrapping her arms tightly around Olivia's neck. "Thank you," Amanda whispered, rubbing her cheek against Olivia's.

"You're welcome, Amanda," Olivia replied, hugging her back.

The necklace looked so expensive, and it was hardly an appropriate gift. Amanda didn't understand Olivia at all, one minute she couldn't even look at her, and the next she was giving her this amazing piece of jewelry.

Amanda pulled back and held the necklace out to Olivia. "Help me?" Amanda requested, turning around and lifting her hair so Olivia could see her neck.

Amanda gulped as Olivia leaned in, she could feel the softness of Olivia's breasts pressing against her back. Olivia's hands quickly secured the necklace around her neck, and then Olivia's warmth was gone. Amanda looked up and saw Olivia staring at her, emotions flooding her dark eyes.

Amanda grabbed her fork from the counter and sliced into the small chocolate cupcake, lifting the fork into the air, she offered the bite to Olivia. Amanda's heart was beating wildly out of control as she watched Olivia lean in, and open her mouth, taking the chocolate in. Olivia's darkened eyes never left hers as she sucked all the chocolate off the fork.

Olivia chewed and then opened her mouth again, "I'm glad you like the necklace, Amanda."

Amanda nodded and set the fork back down. Without giving herself a moment to think, Amanda reached her hand out, and ran her fingers over the soft skin on Olivia's neck.

"Amanda.." Olivia pleaded, looking down at the floor.

Amanda took another step, moving closer to Olivia. She had waited so long for this moment, she didn't want to give Olivia the chance to walk away from her again.

Amanda's hand slipped around to the back of Olivia's head, her fingers getting lost in the silky strands of Olivia's ponytail. Amanda licked her lips unconsciously and inched slowly closer to Olivia. Amanda closed her eyes and leaned all the way in, brushing her lips against Olivia's.

Olivia turned her head and tried to step back. Amanda didn't let her. She wrapped both arms around Olivia's neck and looked into those dark orbs.

"Please, Olivia, please," Amanda begged, "Don't push me away again."

"I have to," Olivia whispered, looking back at her. "I would be abusing you if I didn't."

"No. I'm not going to sit here and let you call what we have abuse. I know what I feel for you, Olivia. What I feel for you is not wrong, what I feel for you is amazing," Amanda said, her voice steady and calm.

She would not back down on this.

* * *

**Olivia's POV: **

Olivia was fighting a battle with herself, and honestly, she was tired of fighting. Her mind had been waging a war with her body, but she wasn't sure how much more her mind could take. Olivia only had so much self-restraint and Amanda was pushing her right to the edge. She had been certain that she'd been doing the right thing for Amanda by trying to distance herself, but when Amanda had showed up in her classroom, there had been so much hurt in Amanda's voice. Olivia was starting to doubt her decisions. Olivia was trying to protect Amanda, and so she kept turning Amanda away, but Amanda just came right back. Olivia didn't know how many times she could tell Amanda no.

She was pulled out of her thoughts by Amanda's lips trailing over her jaw, placing soft little kisses to her skin. Olivia groaned and tried to pull her head away. Amanda was weakening her defenses, she was loosing the ability to say no. Amanda's arms tightened around her neck, and Olivia's knees buckled when she felt Amanda's warm breath on her ear.

"Olivia, please.." Amanda begged into her ear.

Olivia opened her mouth to reply but then Amanda thrust her body against hers, and Olivia's voice died in her throat. Amanda pressed even harder against her and whimpered into her ear. Olivia clenched her jaw.

"Amanda," Olivia growled, her voice thick with desire. She was trying so hard to stay strong, but God, she wanted to give in.

"I want you so badly, Liv," Amanda purred into her ear, her voice low and thick with need.

Olivia went to protest, but Amanda pushed her back against the kitchen counter. Olivia let out a surprised gasp as her back connected with the counter. Amanda didn't allow the separation for long, as soon as Olivia had regained her balance, Amanda's body was back against hers. Amanda's lips went to her neck, and Olivia's hands instinctively gripped at Amanda's hips.

"Amanda-" Olivia moaned out, her body squirming against the counter as Amanda sucked on her pulse point. Olivia's body was telling her to be quiet, and to give in. Her mind was still resisting Amanda's pull.

Olivia watched through hooded lids as Amanda shook her head, and then she felt Amanda's hands sneaking under her leather jacket. Amanda pushed the jacket off, and Olivia heard the soft thud it made as it landed on the kitchen floor. Olivia watched as Amanda's eyes raked over her. Amanda's hands came up and cupped her breasts through her shirt. Olivia let out a loud moan, tipping her head back. Amanda's hands felt so good on her breasts. She had wanted Amanda's hands on her body for so long.

_Stop_, Olivia thought. _This can't happen like this. _

Olivia's hands came up and she pulled Amanda's hands away from her chest, intertwining their fingers instead.

"Amanda, we can't," Olivia said breathlessly.

"Yeah," Amanda replied. Olivia swallowed as Amanda pulled her hands away and cupped her face. Amanda's lips were pressed to hers, and Olivia couldn't even put together a sentence. Amanda pressed their bodies even tighter together, and Olivia moaned as their breasts rubbed together. Amanda apparently saw that as an opportunity to get her tongue into Olivia's mouth, and Olivia let out a strangled gasp as Amanda's velvety tongue stroked over hers.

One of Amanda's hands left her face, and traveled down her body. That hand moved past her breasts, over her stomach, and finally stopped at her ass. Amanda cupped her backside, and squeezed firmly. Olivia groaned into Amanda's mouth.

Olivia resisted, and turned her head away. Amanda nipped at her earlobe, since she couldn't reach Olivia's mouth.

"Olivia, I want you to make me a woman, I want you to love me," Amanda whispered.

"Wha-what?" Olivia asked, trying to clear her head of the fog that surrounded her thoughts.

"Olivia I want to be with you, I want you to be my first. I want you to take me, I want you to love me," Amanda clarified. Olivia let out a growl.

Amanda was a virgin. Amanda was asking her to take her virginity. Olivia's body trembled with desire at Amanda's words. The thought of being the first one to show Amanda that pleasure, to touch Amanda, to love Amanda, made her unbelievably hot. Olivia could feel the wet pool building between her legs. Olivia also felt incredibly guilty, it wasn't her place, it wasn't her right to make love to Amanda. Olivia didn't want Amanda to make a commitment, that she wasn't ready to make.

"Amanda, please," Olivia whispered, closing her eyes.

She could feel Amanda's lips ghosting over her face, laying soft kisses all over her cheeks.

"Olivia, I want to be with you," Amanda said. Olivia opened her eyes and looked into Amanda's twin pools of blue. She groaned at the feelings that Amanda was showing her, Amanda was looking at her, pleading with her through her eyes.

Olivia gave in. That was it. Olivia had fought the good fight the best she knew how, and she had lost. Olivia nodded her head and moved her hands up, gently gripping the back of Amanda's skull, and moving to pull her closer.

Before their lips melded together, she heard Amanda whisper, "thank you."


	16. Devotion

**AN: Hey, Guys! Sorry it took so long. I know I'm a slow writer; I'm working on it! Everything's been crazy busy and for a while I suffered from a huge case of Writers Block. I was starting to worry that I'd never write again. Anyway, thank you for your reviews & love.**

**Fluff City! This is the calm before the storm, we all know Kim's gotta stir some shit up. Who wants to come with me and just shoot her?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the story, and the situations I put the characters (that I don't own) in. **

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Chapter 16: Devotion

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_Devotion, Devotion..._  
_ I'm a slave unto the mercy of your love_  
_ For so long, I've been so wrong_  
_ I could never live without you_

_-Hurts. _

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_Olivia's_ POV:

Olivia's eyes snapped open when she felt the warm body that was partially on top of her begin to move. The blonde that was occupying her arms snuggled further into her, and Olivia couldn't stop the small smile that appeared on her face.

She hadn't been able to really sleep all night. She was too wound up, too happy, and way too worried. She knew that there was no going back on her decision to be with Amanda, but she was still worried about the possible damage she could be causing. Olivia prayed that she had made the right choice.

She had almost not come over to Amanda's apartment. After the way she had brushed Amanda off, she thought the blonde would be pissed at her. Boy, she had gotten the surprise of her life when Amanda had let her in with no arguments.

Being with Amanda in this way felt incredible. After so long of fighting her feelings for the young blonde it was nice to be able to just hold her.

She knew Amanda was a small bit let down. When Amanda had dragged her into the bedroom and pushed her down onto the mattress, Olivia had immediately stopped it. She explained that there would be no sex going on that night, and the look on Amanda's face had almost made her change her mind. She just wanted Amanda's first time to be beyond special, she wanted to make love to Amanda when she was worry free. She didn't want to love Amanda with thoughts of what would happen if they got caught swirling around inside of her head.

Amanda had reluctantly agreed to just sleep, and allowed Olivia to hold her.

Olivia's eyes looked at the glowing red numbers on the alarm clock. A little past six in the morning, and Olivia already knew with absolute certainty that she wouldn't be getting anymore rest tonight.

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_Amanda's _POV:

Amanda frowned slightly as she snuggled further into her bed. She had been sleeping very deeply, and her body was fighting to stay asleep. Her brain realized that something was missing.

Then Amanda remembered what had happened last night, who exactly she'd brought to bed with her.

Amanda bolted upright and looked around. The side of the bed Olivia had slept in was empty; the sheets were still crinkled from where the older woman had been laying a few hours before.

Amanda quickly hopped out of bed, taking half the sheets with her as she stumbled out of her bedroom and into the hallway.

Amanda quickly spotted Olivia. The older woman was in her kitchen, in front of the stove, and she was cooking. Amanda calmed down almost immediately; she had thought Olivia had left her. For a second, she had worried that Olivia had changed her mind _again_.

"Good morning," Amanda said, a huge smile on her face. Olivia whipped around and grinned.

"Morning," Olivia replied. "I'm making breakfast. I know how much you like pancakes."

Amanda kicked the sheets off her legs, and moved into the kitchen. She slid behind Olivia, and pressed her front against Olivia's back.

"Amanda, we talked about this," Olivia groaned. "Remember?"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember," Amanda said. "I'm still allowed to be upset that you refuse to have sex with me, Liv. "

"I'm not refusing you anything, Amanda. It's just that you're still my student, and people can say that I gave you special treatment because of our relationship," Olivia said. "I don't want you to have to redo your entire senior year because of me."

"Fine," Amanda sighed. "So, does that mean I can't do this?" Amanda asked. She wrapped her arms around Olivia's middle and pressed her lips to the side of the older woman's neck.

"I have no objections to that, Ms. Rollins," Olivia smiled. "You're going to make me burn your pancakes, dear."

Amanda nipped the skin on Olivia's neck playfully before she reluctantly moved her lips away from the older woman's delicious flesh.

Amanda felt like she was still asleep; at any moment she could wake up, and this would've all just been a teasing, fantastic, wonderful dream. Finally being able to hold Olivia, and to kiss Olivia, made Amanda feel like she could deal with everything else that was going on in her life.

"I'm really glad you stayed," Amanda whispered as she rested her chin on Olivia's shoulder.

"Me too," Olivia turned her head and pressed a soft kiss to Amanda's cheek. Amanda's heart fluttered in her chest; the effect Olivia had on her was astounding.

Amanda watched over Olivia's shoulder as the older woman expertly flipped the pancakes, and then flipped the stove off. Olivia filled both their plates with a stack of fluffy pancakes. Amanda slowly let Olivia out of her embrace.

"Ready to eat?" Olivia asked, turning around to face Amanda.

Amanda grinned as she took in the adorable sight of Olivia. Olivia was standing in her kitchen, clothes wrinkled from sleeping in them, hair mused, with two plates filled with pancakes occupying her hands.

"Not yet," Amanda whispered. Olivia's brows furrowed. Amanda quickly stepped forward, cupped Olivia's face, and brought their lips together in a gentle kiss.

"Thank you for the best birthday I've ever had," Amanda said, her lips still pressed against Olivia's.

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After they'd eaten Amanda had asked Olivia to stay for a while longer; to her surprise, Olivia had agreed. Normally, Amanda would've suggested that they go catch a movie at the theater down the street, or maybe she would've taken Olivia to that nice cafe a few blocks away, but their relationship was still new and unstable. She didn't want to push her luck.

So she'd led Olivia to the couch, and turned on the T.V. She knew it wasn't the most sophisticated way to spend an afternoon, but that was all her lousy brain could come up with at the moment.

"So, how does Netflix sound?" Amanda questioned nervously, she was hoping Olivia wouldn't laugh in her face at the lame suggestion.

"Perfect," Olivia responded. "Now come here,"Olivia continued, holding her arms open.

Amanda struggled to keep her mouth from hanging open, but moved closer to Olivia. She tried to keep her focus on the numerous movie titles that popped up on the screen, but Olivia's arms around her proved to be insanely distracting.

"Anything in particular that you want to watch?" Amanda squeaked as Olivia nuzzled her neck. Olivia simply hummed in response.

With Olivia's lips against her neck, Amanda knew there was no way she was going to be able to actually think about a movie choice. She selected one at random, and leaned back into Olivia as the movie loaded.

"What are we watching?" Olivia questioned, her face still nuzzled into the side of Amanda's neck.

"Uh-" Amanda picked up the remote and clicked, looking at the title of the movie. "Breakfast at Tiffany's."

Olivia leaned back, and looked at her in shock. "Amanda Rollin's is into chick flicks? The surprises never stop with you."

Amanda shrugged, and mentally patted herself on the back for her random selection. The movie was taking forever to load, and Amanda tapped her foot impatiently. Normally, she wouldn't have mind the wait, but Olivia's lips were slowly placing warm kisses up her neck, and along her jaw. Amanda loved the intimacy Olivia was showing her, but Olivia's closeness made it hard for her to restrain her raging libido.

"So," Amanda tried scooting away from Olivia just slightly, but the older woman actually_ growled_. That sound made Amanda squirm in her seat.

Olivia's lips and tongue were doing wicked, wicked things to her neck, and Amanda felt like she might actually melt into an extremely sexually frustrated pile of goop. Finally, the movie loaded, and Olivia raised her head to see the screen.

During the whole movie, Olivia held her tightly. Amanda was in heaven. She hadn't expected Olivia to warm up to her this quickly, but it was a pleasant surprise. She just hoped with everything she had that Olivia was done running, because Amanda didn't know if she had anymore strength left in her to chase Olivia again.

But Amanda didn't want to think about that now, no, for now she was content with leaning against the woman that she could officially call hers.


End file.
